I'm an emotional wreck lately...up up up and down down down and lost in this vague, restless fog.
I feel relentlessly pursued at some times, by nothing at all...mind you. Other times I feel completely lost and ignored, and mind you once more- no one is ignoring me.
I cry at the drop of a hat (or bowl or glass, I'm notoriously clumsy but it's been 10 times worse than usual lately), I think in grandiose terms constantly.
I'm sure I'm not staking any superbly original claim here, many people feel like this all the time and if those people happen to be women it would be chalked up to 'hormones'. So be it.
I just find it strange that after touting my new Simple Life, I now am wrenched by my old friends, 'anxiety', 'restlessness', 'turbulence' (none so turbulent to be dangerous, more turbulently whimsical if nothing else)...
So I'm sure that I jinxed myself. I am jinxed and insane, obviously.
I didn't even laugh when Max told me that she couldn't eat the Pasta Fagioli I made (not really pasta fagioli, but I call it that anyways). She said that the red beans tasted 'too red' and the black beans 'too black'. The biscuits and Smart Balance, however, were delicious enough to devour three of them.
I didn't laugh when Olivia told me she wanted to have creamsicles packed in her lunchbag for her first day of school tomorrow. Not just one, but two, because she 'might make a new friend who's cool and likes creamsicles'.
I didn't sigh when Max insisted to drink water from my cupped hands like I do when I'm brushing my teeth.
I didn't kiss my daddy goodbye when he left after having dinner with us. He didn't think the red beans too red, or the black beans too black...I should have kissed him.
Well, I'm smiling now! I guess that's a good start.
I think that I started smiling cause I imagined Jeremiah reading this and feeling bad for me until he got to the part about my dad. At that part he would roll his eyes, and seeing him do that in my minds eye is hilarious.
This is my first nighttime post in a long time...it feels good. Oh yeah...I feel good now. In ten minutes I'll be a freaking train wreck again, crying at the new Law and Order CI I taped last night. I love Jeff Goldblum though, so a little tears are worth it.
Tune in tomorrow for a post about the people of my blogging world and what people in my real life they remind me of. Fun!