Why is that sometimes happiness seems so unattainable but then in the moment it's so pure and undiluted? Happiness from a distance is enjoyable and mostly entertaining, so much so that you don't mind not being in the midst of it all that much. From a little bit further away it's like a cloud of pink and orange smoke, puffing towards you in wisps of clarity, it seems so far away but what reaches you is well worth waiting for.
What types of things add up to equal happiness?
I adore those things, but here is what has to be mixed into my equation to come up with happiness for me.
The reason this has been swirling around and around my head is that I've been reconsidering myself.
I've become one of those people I thought I would never be. Content, Boring, Heavy with Words and Thoughts...
I was positive that I would flighty and light headed for a lifetime. I was never able to sit through a movie, sit still for very long for anything really. I could talk for hours with strangers, stay up all night, get up early every morning...I was up for anything and everything. I'd bring a walkman and a book to the dinner table, walk away from my home and walk nowhere for hours on a whim. I was annoying, trite, egotistical....so many more things.
And now I'm simple. Thoughtful. Sometimes even quiet. Last night I was so excited when Project Runway came back on. I worked on a couple baby hats, Jeremiah and I went to bed at 11pm and laid side to side together in our bed and watched some crime show.
Tonight we'll cuddle on our super uncomfortable couch, watch a movie, tomorrow we'll go on a bike ride...
Right now my children are snacking and I'm typing. Typing meaningless drivel that a couple people will read, and yet I'm happy.
These things would make this year really great for me:
Olivia will do well this year, her first year of all day school. She will not fight with me too much about homework, the teacher won't call.
Max will stop throwing fits. I'm so afraid she'll get hurt.
Elijah will learn a few words so he won't be so frustrated when asking for something.
Santa Claus will give me a new camera and The Beatles Rock Band.
Jeremiah will find a shit load of bikes to work on and rebuild.
My grandmother's health continues to improve.
I get to spend as much time as possible with Jeremiah. I get to look into his eyes at least once a day. I get to hold his hands, kiss him....all that super great stuff that you don't want to hear about.
I get enough orders this year to pay for some Christmas gifts!