Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Being a Woman

I've been dieting, trying to work out healthy alternatives to my inclination to just not eat and just generally feeling down in the dumps about my appearance. This too will pass but sometimes it helps to write things out.
An exercise in self-exploration.

I am a woman.
I love being a woman.

I like the space around my waist where it begins to curve out into my hips.
I like my small feet.
I like the way my shoulders look when I’m topless.
I like the way my lips look with pink gloss on them, the same pink gloss that I’ve been wearing since I was 12.

I like having the door held open for me.
I like when Jeremiah puts his hand on the small of my back while we’re walking.
I like the weight of his body behind me, on top of me, beside me.

I like that my voice is light and girly.
I like that I’m my daddy’s girl.
I like that my mom and I can talk about being a mom and what to cook for dinner.

I like carrying my babies in my womb for months and months, having them all to myself.
I like bringing them into the world to meet their family, the people that already love them.
I like holding them to my breast and feeding them from my own body.


I hate being talked down to because my voice is light and girly.
I hate not being able to find adult sneakers because my feet are so small.
I hate that I can’t eat whatever I want whenever I want it.

I hate that my parents think I can’t handle things on my own.
I hate the medical community handling me like a child during my pregnancies and labors.
I hate that some men assume that I am manipulative just because I have boobs and a cunt.

And in the end, the pros greatly outweigh the cons.

Tonight when I wash my face before bed I’ll look in the mirror and be glad that my face is so feminine.
I’ll go into each of my children’s rooms and check on them.
I’ll be glad that I’m their mother, the only mother they’ll ever have.
I’ll go to bed with Jeremiah and be glad for the smell of him, the weight of him, the fact that I don’t have to carry his masculinity on my shoulders as he does on his.
I’ll fall asleep and have dreams of lovely books I have read, colors that I love, nightmares that haunt me.
I might wake up weeping softly, and even then I'll be glad that I can weep openly and freely…

Because I am a woman.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Max's Digestive Tract Talks to Me...Often

And now on to something completely different...

Well, not all that different considering I will mention my children in this post.

(this one's for you, Prosy)
Max was upstairs pooping and I was downstairs cleaning up the mess of Doctor toys she and Elijah had scattered all over our gameroom. I've been wiping Max since she was finally potty trained a few months ago....better very very late than never, right?

She yells for me from the bathroom to wipe her, and I didn't hear what she was calling me for. Sometimes she'll say "Mom...I'm still pooping." or "Momma, did you hear me say I'm going to the potty???" or "Mom....stay downstairs while I poop....but I'll still call you when I'm done."
So since it was soon after she went upstairs, I assumed that she said something along those lines and just said, "OK. Max!" and went on cleaning.
A few moments later,
"MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAA! There's poop hanging from my butt for you to clean up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What a delight. I just like the way she worded the poop is waiting for me.

"Come to me, Erin. I am the product of your daughter Maxine's digestive system. Go-Gurt and cheese make their way through her stomach and intestines just for you...for you, Erin, it's all for you...."

Elijah's party this weekend went smoothly. We had lots of fruit and veggies, the older kids played outside with my dad pretty much the entire time and I only had one piece of pizza! I was super proud of myself.

Although staying away from the delicious chocolate cake with blueberry icing Max and I made earlier that day was nearly impossible, I persevered. I did try one bite last night of the leftovers. Pretty darn good.

Before the party Max, Elijah and I went on a long walk. I snapped a few photos of them goofing around. I didn't notice that the background looks right out of a scene from The Wire (Jeremiah and I are watching Season 2 from Netflix so don't you dare give anything away if you've seen the show!!!).
West Baltimore in the House Fools. Or whatever.

Also, if you haven't already heard that Ms. Moon finally has her long awaited precious grandson.
I've never thought about waiting for a baby from different perspectives. I've never been close with anyone other than my mom or my aunt who were having babies, and that was just like getting more siblings, and I've obviously waited for my own children.

It's neat to hear her talk about it from the anxious grandmother's viewpoint and I'm very glad her daughter had such a successful labor.
Congratulations to Lily and Jason...and to Ms. Moon and her new best friend, Owen.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Happy Birthday Elijah.

Painfully waddling down the hot city sidewalk I finally reach my destination and entered the airconditioned Dr.’s office. My abdomen is swollen with my son, my first son, Jeremiah’s first child, my fourth and final baby.

I’m still a little sad that people were staring at me while passing by. I supposed they just wondered if maybe I was carrying multiples, which is becoming more and more common. I'm bigger than any person I've ever known carrying one baby, my whole stomach shakes when Elijah moves.

I’m weighed by the nurse, she smiles and pinches me. I’ve gained 2 pounds in one week.

The Dr. checks me, grimaces. 2 cm dilated. I’m only 36 weeks.
I worry, my face flushes and I glance at Jeremiah beside me. He’s calm, unworried…

The day before I had an ultrasound. Today the Dr. is telling us our son is already 8 pounds, but it’s most probable that his lungs have not developed. The Dr. wants me to keep my feet up and rest as much as possible.
We make a date for induction. Sept. 25th. 38 weeks gestation..

At 26 weeks I had woke up early in the morning with contractions. We went to the hospital and the nurses could not stop the labor. Finally after hours, medications and threats of life-flighting us to children’s hospital my labor stopped. All was well.

Things go smoothly for the next few weeks after the Dr.’s 36 week visit. I rest, the girls are anxious and want me to play. I’m tired of being pregnant, of not being able to lift anything or play with my daughters. I’m tired of people staring at me.

I want to meet my son, my first son, Jeremiah’s first child, my fourth and final baby.

Jeremiah is anxious, but sweet. He loves us and shows it everyday.

The night before the scheduled induction we take the girls to my mom’s house, visit, then tuck them into bed and head home. I get into my P.J.’s , Jeremiah tucks me in (because I insisted and he couldn’t say no) and then the contractions start.
They started low like menstrual cramps and then spread in warm circles across my abdomen. My whole body started to react. I felt flushed, nauseous, then full of frenetic energy and finally as the contraction ended, surprisingly calm. I had pre term labor many times and assumed (for some odd reason) that’s what was happening.

Jeremiah became amazingly excited when I called for him from across our home and told him about the contractions.
Practically bouncing off the walls, he told me, “This is it, Baby! I can just tell.”
I got into the shower and after a few minutes smugly told him that the contractions had stopped. I guess regardless of my physical status, I always have to be right.
He waited for me and handed me a towel as I got out of the shower…and the contractions began again.

We got ready and went right up to the hospital. The nurse checked me and confirmed that we were indeed in labor. I was 4 cm dilated. Then she asked me if I wanted an epidural.

I looked at Jeremiah and he said, “Whatever you want, Baby.”. And for some odd reason I said yes. I’m not against epidurals and had even had one after laboring 12 hours with Maxine (it went on to last 26 hours total)…but I’ve never been a fan either and had been assuming I would not have one.

The Dr. came in, did the epidural and then Jeremiah and I spent the next five hours watching t.v., talking, relaxing and drifting in and out of sleep. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than with Jeremiah, as long as he’s in the room with me I’m good and good we were.
The lights were low, just us and the occasional nurse. I was in labor, but it seemed like a surreal blur. A picture in time playing back slowly and smudged with cloudy marks…

Any calmness was abruptly ended around 3:30am. I was on my side and all of the sudden felt like the baby was coming out. I asked Jeremiah to look and he didn’t see anything. He went and got the nurse and the Dr. (who was just about to come into the room and check me). They rolled me over and Elijah just started coming out. I was scared, afraid because of the urgency of it all.
No stirrups, no set up, no ‘tools’…the Dr. was just putting on gloves as Elijah’s whole head was out. It was messy and I was sitting upright and could see everything.

Jeremiah was flushed and I could tell he was worried too.

The Dr. was laughing when he told me to give a little push.

Elijah was born on the sheets in front of me, close enough to touch and caress at 3:55am, September 25th, 2007. The nurse and the Dr. were loudly giggling and talking about how big he was.

To me he looked tiny.

And blue.

Despite the lack of concern from the Dr. and the nurses, Jeremiah and I panicked a wee bit. We kept asking if he was okay, looking anxiously at the nurse suctioning his mouth.

He was fine. More than fine, he was 10 pounds 14 ounces. 20 inches long. He had dark brown hair and those classic dark blue newborn eyes. He looked at me briefly the first time I held him and anxiously nursed with no problem for a few moments before the nurses took him away to clean him up.

Elijah Christopher. My first son, Jeremiah’s first child, my fourth and final baby.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Reconnecting and Pooping (okay so no pooping)

Yesterday I 'reconnected' on facebook with one of my favorite friends from high school, Natalie.

After talking with her I decided to get out one of my photo memory boxes and post some old photos of us and of a few people that are my friends on facebook. I'll share a couple here too.

This is my mom in 1983. Cute! (and the jury is out on whether she is my friend on facebook or if my little sister, also on facebook even though she's 12, made her a fake profile)

This is me and Nat all dressed up to go to some Goth thingy. We're only 16 in this picture, which makes me very upset, considering I have daughters. Some much older girl dressed us up that night and I'm sure my parents had no idea what we were doing.

Me and Nat later that night, looking decidedly younger.

Nat and Jarred who ran the local record store I worked at as a kid. I'd rarely, if ever, get paid with anything other than manic panic hair dye, cd's or lp's.

This is me and my cousin Kristen at my high school graduation.

Tomorrow is my baby's birthday. Elijah is going to be 2 years old. It actually gave me slight butterflies to even post that.

I held down the weaning fort and haven't nursed him in ten days. I've also been dieting for ten days, but I don't have a scale so I have no idea if I'd made any progress.
I'm trying out the Lacto-Ovo-Pescetarian diet, even though most of my life I've been just your plain old run of the mill vegetarian. My dad has been a vegetarian since I was a small kiddo and we have very similar tastes, so it's much easier for me to not eat meat than your average bear.
I'm eating shellfish and fish this time so I can still go on my Japanese dates with Jeremiah and get my Pretty Girl roll!
Here is my new plan:
I've started eating cereal, measured out Multi-Grain cheerios and one piece of fruit for breakfast.

For lunch I try to eat all veggies. With maybe a little homemade dressing.

I have 1/4 of a cup of mixed nuts for a snack before the girls come home from school.
And one serving of whatever I'm making for dinner, unless it has meat in it...then I'll eat some homemade veggie soup I have frozen.

The only two times I've wavered (or outright failed) so far were at my mom's house last Friday where I ate one peice of pizza, which is fine...but then my brother was eating these huge chunks of garlic cheese bread and dipping it in this i ripped off a piece and went to town. It was good.

Then Sunday night Elijah and I shared a bowl of ice cream.

I do yoga in the early afternoon, and usually just running around after the kids and cleaning the house for exercise, although I ride my bike on the weekends and walk Elijah all around the neighborhood just to keep him busy.
So anyone want to do this diet with me?

Tomorrow I'll be posting Elijah's birth story. It's not a gross, scream-filled don't worry.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

You Make a Deal with The Devil, You Get a Sale.

I got a etsy conversation the other day from a potential client wanting to know if she could see more hat photos to get a better idea of what kind of set to order for a gift. Rather than send her a bunch of photos I thought I'd post them on here and then if I get a request like that again I can just link them to this post. Voila!

I picked out a few custom order photos, plus all the newest ones...but left out one that I made recently for someone just with the off chance that she wanted to surprise whoever she ordered it for...and that they would look on my blog? haha. Well....that's probably a stretch.

Here is a flaps/no flaps design with vintage buttons and a mother/son set (plain beanies...cheaper set)

The scarf was 'super chunky' 'super long' and had vintage buttons at one end so you could turn the scarf into a kind of cowl. I made one for myself last year and wore it everytime I left the house! (I like that photo of myself for some reason.)
I threw these vintage buttons on the fingerless gloves as a whim, thinking she wouldn't like them...being that they're bright yellow and all. Instead she loved them and even wrote me an email later saying how often she wears them.

This set is the only custom order that I've had to 'do-over' multiple times. She originally wanted ear flaps, but her husband said they looked too 'Darth Vader' which I tended to agree with after looking at the photos. She loved the neckwarmer. The second pic was the hat I eventually came up with, which is still one of my favorite hats...thick but stretchy AND charcoal grey, which I love.

This is my sister Hannah and the hat I made for her for Christmas. So I guess that's not a custom order but it's a cute photo! The next one is silver and black and an adult hat order, but I sometimes have Rose model the adult hats just so I don't have to use SOOOO many photos of myself AND she's gorgeous, of course.

This is Max in a True Blue Helmet Head beanie. I like to give my hats dumb names...I never said I was all that mature, you know. The brown and tan hat was made for Twinkie. I just got an order for three more just like it from some chick up in Canada after seeing the pics of Rose I posted in this hat last week or whenever. So cool!

This first hat was made for Jeremiah's neice...I have photos of her wearing it somewhere and of course cannot find them. Anyways her mother told me her winter coat is hot pink and grey and when I finally gave her the hat it matched perfectly! Yay for me.
The second is a set of little girls sister hats. I usually don't do super girly stuff like this, but that's what the customer wanted. They're cute in their own way methinks.

On another note, I don't know if anyone remembers but I was offering much reduced store prices and custom order prices in my store until the end of September. If you want the reduced prices, even if you don't need the item for awhile, order now. You can either email me ( and I can respond to you and then later send you an invoice that way, or you can go to my etsy shop, sign up and start a conversation with me...I'll make you a listing for a custom order and you can purchase it that way.

I'm also using the nicest high quality yarn now, which is also still super wash. I made a deal with the devil and got abbreviated shipping costs for it too! Sweet.
I'm also working on more delicate looking winter accessories (not so thick and chunky) like button up fingerless gloves and those headbands I post photos of before in many different colors. I'm using 100% Peruvian wool for the more delicate things and it's amazing how nice the stitches look.

Monday, September 21, 2009

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!

Usually my Saturday nights are uneventful. I'm not complaining, I'm just stating a fact.

This Saturday night was made special and the tiniest bit exciting by two drunk kids, my across the street neighbor's porch, the police and the mystery citizen that called the police.

After we put Elijah to bed on Saturday nights Jeremiah usually plays the piano for awhile and I sit on the porch and read. (I've currently finished The Beasts by Joyce Carol Oates if anyone is still interested in a Book Club...I even took notes for discussion!)

It's 9pm and dark when I notice a car pull over behind my neighbor across the street's large Black Chevy Avalanche. I could hear people arguing, but couldn't make out what they were talking about. After 10 minutes of them sitting in their car arguing, I totally lost interest and went back to my book. The car starts to pull out and this is where the fun begins.
The car hits the back of the Chevy, gets stuck, the left side of it's fender caught on the right side of the Chevy's bumper. This is where the passenger starts yelling. I didn't catch his name through the nights hilarity, but he was tall and seemed pretty young. So we'll call him Tall Kid.


At this point all the driver had to do was back up. Instead he just keeps going into the bumper and I hear headlights popping, glass shattering and screeeechinggggg.


And the driver does not stop. He finally frees himself from the bumper of the parked Chevy and speeds off past my house and down the street.


What? Hmmm...this is starting to get interesting. A mystery...why is Tall Kid not driving his car? The mystery deepens when the driver finally pulls over, stumbles out of the car and falls to the ground. Tall Kid jumps in the car and I think for sure he's going to take off. Instead he parks the car, comes back to the original driver and helps him up.


Tall kid stands there for a few minutes and finally Mike says his peace.

Mike: "Dude I didn't hit your car. It's fine. Let's get out of here."

Tall kid begins to protest and Mike starts ShhhShhhShhhing him over and over again. It's so comical I laugh out loud, but stifle it pretty quickly. I'm not a paranoid person but two drunk kids probably don't want to have a chick laughing at their serious state of trouble.

And it gets even more serious.

For the next half hour Tall Kid and Mike push each other and fight up and down the sidewalk about whether or not they're going to notify the owner of the Chevy. I don't personally know the owners, but I've seen them many times and they are an elderly foreign couple, I don't want to guess at their ethnicity. I've heard another neighbor commenting that they're English is getting really good and I've also talked with their landlord about the man's poor health after an ambulance took him away one afternoon.
So the last thing I want is the two drunk kids to be bothering the couple late on a Saturday night. I feel bad for the kids cause I think they'll get the police called on them, I feel bad for the couple cause they'll probably be cowering in their apartment afraid.

Tall Kid proceeds to win after knocking Mike around quite a bit. In Tall Kid's defense Mike is one of the most annoying drunks I've ever seen. He keeps tossing around these gems...

Mike: "I didn't hit my car man! Remember??? We left it at your Grandma's house!"
"I love my girl man. Why the fuck would you tell me I don't."
"You're my best friend man. Why would I hit your car down by the creek? We don't even fish anymore Man....that's so sad dude."
"Just hit me! FUCKING HIT ME!"

Tall Kid: "It's not worth hitting you Man." Over and Over Again.

They finally make it to the porch and Mike lays in the neighbors front yard. I come inside and tell Jeremiah about what's going on. He tells me to stay out of it and I watch from the doorway now.

Mike gets up from time to time and bangs on the door. Tall Kid rings the bell repeatedly and talks to himself about his new car being smashed and how he's just trying to do the right thing.
They fight over and over again.

AND they're on these probably frightened people's porch for more than a half hour.

Finally their scuffles come to blows. Tall Kid punches Mike in the face, Mike pushes Tall Kid up against the railing and CRASH! The railing falls off of the porch. Tall Kid pushes Mike down the hand railing and CRASH! That railing wobbles and crumbles.
At this point I'm in shock.
I know maybe I should have called the cops...but I was more tempted to go and yell at the dumb assholes and tell them to leave a note and get the hell out of there. I was about to, but Jeremiah told me it might just make them more angry, so once again I stayed out of it.

The cops finally roll in just as Tall Kid and Mike make amends somehow and start to walk towards the car. Now Jeremiah gets interested and we both sit on our porch steps to watch.

The cops do the normal bla bla bla stuff, including a sobriety test during which Mike falls over hard, ends in him getting cuffed and put into the back of the cruiser.

Tall Kid brings the cop over to the car and shows him the Chevy and the damage. He's honest about the incident with the car, and the cop just has one question for him...

Cop: "Why would you let that kid drive your car?"

Tall Kid (eloquently): "I don't know dude. He just wanted to."

A while later all my other neighbors are out watching the scene. I've noticed that so far Tall Kid hasn't mentioned the railing to the cops. I know that I don't want the kid to get in trouble, but I also don't want the neighbors to fall coming down their front steps. Especially an elderly and ill old man.
I wrestle with the options for awhile. If I leave a note for the old couple than they'll probably be pissed I didn't tell the cops about their railing. If I tell the cops, the kids will probably get charged with Criminal Mischief if not more....

The cop is walking back past my house towards the Chevy and shines his light up at me. At this point I'm sitting alone, Jeremiah got bored with the goings on.

Cop: "Excuse me Ma'am. Did you happen to see any of this go on tonight?"

Erin:" Oh yes Sir! I saw the whole thing go down from beginning to end! How can I help you bring your task to fruition Sir?"

Okay so it wasn't like that, but essentially I told him that the kids were arguing on the porch for a long amount of time and broke the railing. I said I didn't want to tattle but I was afraid that someone would get hurt..etc...etc...

Cop: "Thank You, Ma'am. I'm glad you told me that...can I have your name, address and phone number, please?"

At this I start to balk. Before I could stop...

Erin: "Do I have to?"

At this the cop looks startled and annoyed.

Cop:"Ma'am, I'll try to keep you out of this but these kids are in some serious trouble and I need all the help I can get."

Erin:"Well...I just don't want to get them in any more trouble....they're just kids."

Cop: "Ma'am, people could have been seriously injured this evening. Please help me out."

Of course I saw the reason behind the whole thing. These kids were obviously not fit to be driving or even out in public while that incredibly intoxicated.

I give the cop my name address and phone number, apologize for being rude and go back to my house.
The damage is done. The kids are in some deep shit.

I still can't help but think I should have told them from the beginning to get the heck out of there.

The night ended with Tall Kid's car being towed and the cop leaving a note on the neighbor couple's front door and car dashboard. The railing still isn't fixed, but at least nobody got hurt.

And I got some excitement for my usually mundane Saturday night, but it's kind of hard to not wonder at what cost?

Friday, September 18, 2009

blemishes and lost promises

Can someone take these photos and get rid of the wrinkles and blemishes that are all over my dumb face and then send them back to me? Please? I'm so mad at my model, which is also me. How am I supposed to peddle my wares like this!!!???


Also, could someone find the person who is letting their dog shit in my yard and pummel them a wee bit?
I watched the kids walk down the slightly sloping front lawn to the sidewalk on their way to the bus stop with a big smile on my face. The air is brisk, the morning went relatively smooth and my children were happy and jaunty. About five steps out of the house Olivia slips in a giant pile of shit.
Luckily, I only had to change her shoes and not her clothes. But I'm still pissed as hell. And she was crying the whole way to the bus stop.

Also I'm thinking we should start a book club. And by we I'm talking about you. And you. And you. Everyone.
It seems like all my bright ideas just end up kind of shitty in the end though.
Remember when I wanted everyone to post about a strange encounter? Nobody did that.

Or when I told Becky (regarding this post) that:

"BloggerChuck is almost funnier than Jeremiah. Al-most.

I don't have a really great memory...I'm not really sure what Jeremiah even looks like right I don't think I could recount all of our conversations on my blog for your enjoyment. Let it suffice to say that he is funny."

And then she said:

"erin- we should have a contest to see who's funnier! i text myself when he says funny things so i can remember."

And then I said:

"Becky! We really should! I'll start writing that shit down yo!

And then we'll have a giveaway for one of my hats and everyone who votes on who's funnier, Chuck or Jeremiah, gets a entry in the giveaway!"

Yeah...that never happened either.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Random Video Wednesday Now with Threats

So once upon a time I tried the Video Blogging thing and failed miserably.
Instead of sharing me with you through you staring at my face and laughing at me, instead we'll watch videos of other things/people with my oh so charming voice in the background.

We live, we love, we learn and grow together Blog Folks. And if you're lucky I won't dismember your corpse and sell body parts and organs to random weirdo goths all over this nation. Not that I know anybody that would be interested in anything like that...

Ok. Enough talk of random violence and on to my videos:

And this is a supreme example of my excellent mothering skills...and how Max does not get any preferential treatment whatsoever:

Look at her ultra-adorable leggings and her cute little mary janes. She is like evil sunshine trapped in a bottle. Oh my. I think I'm going to go hold her for awhile now. Until she claws at my face for showing her too much affection.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Pet Peeves and Just Pets

Everybody has pet peeves about their partner, I'm sure. Jeremiah has quite a few Erin related peeves.

I guess I:

-Never close the cabinet doors

-Never properly screw on jars

-Kiss his shoulder all the time

-Use his razor to shave my legs

-Never clip my finger nails

-Call him a ridiculous number of times while he's working

-Totally messed up his YouTube account. I somehow took it over with kids videos and also unwittingly merged his youtube account with my Google account. I feel like a jerk for doing it, cause now he has to use my account to sign in etc..etc.... not to mention he can't set up a new account with his email, because it's still attached to the original youtube account. Any suggestions on how to get past this mess I created? I would love for him to have his regular account back, sans kids videos and my account info.

I'm sure that he has many many additions to this list, but I have would have to call him at work to find out and if nothing else I can read the above list and learn from my mistakes.

So now that's out of the way let's talk about me!...and my pet peeves about Jeremiah! Yay!

He always:

-Rolls his eyes at me when I'm making perfectly valid statements and completely hilarious jokes

-Says he's not falling asleep even though he's lying on the couch with his eyes closed snoring
(I'll say, 'Jeremiah, baby...I'll turn this movie off and we can finish watching it tomorrow if you're going to sleep.' 'ERIN, I'm not sleeping!' and he'll deny it till he's in a deep enough sleep to ignore me)

-Goes to sleep on the couch, never comes to bed and then when he comes to bed in the morning this happens

-Says that he's hungry, I offer to make him anything he wants and he can't make up his mind. Later he'll accuse me of not feeding him.

-Makes me feel guilty that I don't want any pets. He loves loves loves cats, which is funny to me, considering I don't like them at all.

Speaking of cats...I've seen the LOLcat thing before, but the other day I saw some really hilarious ones. In honor of Jeremiah's love of the feline persuasion I present to you the funniest lolcats:

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Salt and Vinegar Pixies

This is what Max and Elijah do when I go to the basement to do laundry:

I don't know of many kids that like these chips and although I like them, I have to admit that they're a little bit strong even for why do my babies love them so much? They love them so much that they're brave enough to sneak into the pantry, climb on boxes, get the chips, make their way to the gameroom and start shoving them in their faces in the 2 minutes it takes me to throw a load of laundry into the washer. That's some commitment there.

So let them eat chips!

We went to Jeremiah's mom's house to visit and help her move Jeremiah's grandmother out of her apartment. She's going into a care home...
So I think we'll come home with some dishes...maybe an afghan or something. And this is how much stuff we brought home with us last night:

I'm writing this really quickly while Elijah is eating his breakfast snack and watching 'The Moos' (Sesame Street). Then I have to dig into all this stuff and find a neat place for it. I seriously took $50 worth of cleaning supplies out of his grandma's bathroom cupboard.
I told Jeremiah that it seems like she has more cleaning supplies in her closet than he and I have bought in our entire adult lives.

This is a hat I made for a blogger, I'm going to email her today but I loved these photos of Rosey so much I thought I'd share.
As you may or may not know, I share custody of my three daughters with my ex husband and they are with him every Friday evening-Monday afternoon. Yesterday Rose called my momma on her birthday from her dad's house without me reminding her to.
She's 9 years old and is more caring and thoughtful than I was at 24.

And on a strange kind of note.... Ok... bear with me, I have to figure out how to explain this. I know that Peter Pan is a made up story...but when it says that Tinker Bell couldn't help herself but steal baby Peter Pan, cause that's what pixie's do, does that have any validity in British (or Celtic) myth?
I started thinking that there might be some background to some of the stories told about 'fairies' and 'pixies'...And I don't mean I believe in them like I believe in the Loch Ness, I'm just interested in their place in historical storytelling. Oh, and if your interested in things like these read The Stolen Child. So creepy.

This is my pixie:

Friday, September 11, 2009

Who's Weaning Who Here?

Elijah has been weaned from the boob. Just two weeks shy of his Second Birthday my sweet baby boy has been banned from the ninny (or 'hee-hee' as he so adorably calls it).
I already felt like a jerk for weaning him, but on top of it as soon as I do he comes down with a horrible horrible cold. On the inside, I'm bawling like wee babe, but on the outside...

Still bawling.

It doesn't help that my boobs are like two giant flotation devices right now, out there on their own...jiggling through space and time.

No more nursing, ever again.

Sooooo...why don't you all write something clever and funny to keep me from balling my eyes at all day and night long? Anything? Hello? McFly?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Linkage, not Cleavage. Sorry Folks.

Today is a day of love and linkage, my friends.

I love you, I'll link's the circle of life.

Lana is having a 100thpost/Birthday giveaway here. She is so sweet I could just eat her alive, eyeballs and all.

Do you remember when I did this silly thing? Well John Pender finally got around to posting about it, three months later. Better late than never, right? Right. It's also my favorite post of his ever...considering it's mostly about me (and his strange obsession with some girl form Spy Kids) it may become the BEST POST EVER WRITTEN!

This is Jeremiah's youtube page...which is supposed to be for his guitar videos. I somehow took it over with kids videos and also unwittingly merged his youtube account with my Google account. I feel like a jerk for doing it, cause now he has to use my account to sign in etc..etc.... not to mention he can't set up a new account with his email, because it's still attached to the original youtube account. Any suggestions on how to get past this mess I created? I would love for him to have his regular account back, sans kids videos and my account info. To make up for it, listen to his guitar playing, come back here and tell me how handsome and talented he is.

I know this is a link about me, but did you know that only three people have looked at this listing? I have a feeling that this is going to be a very unsuccessful winter season for me. Boohoo, pity the baby, give me little pats and coo at me...
I have been getting a few custom orders already outside of the shop though. So thanks.

Here are some of my new favorite handmade finds on etsy:
Hot Pink Baby Bear Hat

Oh wait! That's one of my listings...whoops.

Okay, for real to wrap this up here are some more links:
Milo in Maine (which is Liz's shop, one of my favorite bloggers)

House of Harriet does all types of mugs, including custom portrait mugs, which is just a kick ass idea!

Leather Prince I love all of these cute leather things, especially the owls and the raccoon...and many many more. If you ever buy anything from this shop, do me a favor and link him to me and this post and maybe he'll give me a discount!

Monday, September 7, 2009

Loch Ness Is Going to Eat Your Eyeballs!

The other day I wrote this post about Hemingway and the expatriate writers I fell in love with as a child.

Today I will share one of my other childhood obsessions with you.


I read every book in every library of every city we lived in about Loch Ness. I studied photos, planned my own excursions to Scotland, dissected the possibilities and the skeptics questions in my head over and over again.

Although I loved looking at the photos, I was much more interested in eye witness accounts. I just couldn't understand how skeptics could count out 90% as these witnesses as being 'crazy' or 'lying'.
I have never seen anything 'extraordinary' in my lifetime, but if I did I would certainly hope to tell people about it and share my story. Why would normal everyday people risk being seen as 'crazy' just to tell their made up stories? So, I find validity in a lot of them.

The first recorded sighting of the Loch Ness Monster is recorded in the book The Life of Saint Columba sometime in the late 7th Century and is often connected with later sightings in the in the nearby lake. The passage states that in 565 A.D. Saint Columba saved a swimmer from a hungry monster in the Ness river.

More modern sightings led to a Scottish Law in 1934, making it illegal to harm or capture the monster.
Here are some snippets of accounts that led to the writing of the 1934 law protecting my friend. (I copied these from a report I did in the 8th grade, they were properly cited then, but I didn't feel like adding the bullshit in, considering I HAD to do that in high school and college...but I don't HAVE to do it now. The passages are from a 1995 book by Clark and Pear, if you are Clark and Pear and are pissed at me for not properly citing these passages, take it up with my lawyer.) :

"In 1933 after a new road was built along the edge of the Loch, the number of reports soared. The first of these came on April 14 when the owners of an inn in Drumnadrochit, the Mackays, observed an "enormous animal "rolling and plunging" in the Loch. They reported itto Alex Campbel, the man in charge of regulating salmon fishing in the Loch. Campbel spent a lot of time at the lake and observed the monster himself several times after being told of the Mackay sighting.

Campbel described the creature as having "a long, tapering neck, about 6 feet long, and a smallish head with a serpentine look about it, and a huge hump behind..." Campbel estimated the length of the "monster" to be about thirty feet. "

"Early in 1934 there was a land sighting of the beast. Arthur Grant, a young veterinary student, was out on his motorcycle one evening when he almost ran into the monster as it crossed the road. Grant's description of the thing, small head, long tapering neck and tail with a bulky body and flippers, seemed to match the appearance of the plesiosaurus."

"Colonel L. Fordyce’s account of a land sighting that he and his wife had experienced in April 1932: Driving through the woods one morning along the south side of the loch, they saw an enormous animal cross the road 150 yards ahead on its way to the water. It had the gait of an elephant, recalled, but looked like a cross between a very large horse and a camel, with a hump on its back and a small head on a long neck… from the rear it looked grey and shaggy. It had long, thin legs and a thin, hairy tail. Because it was a year before the loch ness monster was publicly recognized, the couple had no clue as to what they were seeing. They thought it was a freak animal escaped from a zoo."

"In the June 7th 1933 issue of “Argus” a man and his friends said that while they were flying over Ness he saw what they thought was a large gator under the surface of the loch. They said it was around 25 feet long and 4 feet wide."

"In July 22, 1933 “Mr. and Mrs. F.T.G. Spicer said they saw a strange animal 200 yards ahead of them. It did not move in the usual reptilian fashion, Mr. Spicer said, but with these arches. The body shot across the road in jerks, but because of the slope we could not see its lower parts and saw no limbs… elephant grey color, a bulky body, and a long neck. We saw no tail."

Because I'm a reader I love to read the eyewitness accounts and imagine what was going through their heads when they were seeing what they were seeing. Can you fathom seeing a monster right there in front of you?

First you'd be astonished.

If the sighting lasted long enough, you'd be able to gather your wits and really start to think about what you have just seen. I would think that the part of your brain that has never seen anything like what you've just seen would try and rationalize the occurrence. I would also assume that most people that encountered phenomena would either not tell anyone or just tell their family or confidants.

Have you ever had any strange encounters? I've never stopped being interested in stories of unexplained phenomenon.

Oh!!!! I've got a great idea!!!

We'll make this sort of a meme, write your story on your blog (or a story you've heard) and I'll link all the stories in another post.

It will be fun...bloggers unite and tell scary (or not so scary) stories!!!!!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Early Morning Urine Antics

I could just not get up this morning. When Jeremiah left for work he brought Elijah into our room and left him perched atop my chest.
And I don't want to mislead you with the word 'perch' considering my son is a GIANT and not birdlike in any way, shape or form.
Elijah spent the next 15 minutes bouncing on me and pinching my cheeks saying 'Momma' and 'Baba' (which is what he calls sippy cups) over and over again.


"What Elijah?" "Go get a truck and bring it to Momma."

"UnhhUhhhhh" "Ge Uh" (which means No, Get Up)

"Elijah, can't Momma sleep for two more minutes?"

"UnhhhUhhhh MOMMA!" "Baba" "Baba" "Baba" "Baba" "Baba" "Baba"

"Okay, Bub" "Let me go pee and we'll go get a Baba"

"UNHHHHUHHHH" He strangely latches on to my neck and holds tight. I think he wants me to immeadiately carry him downstairs?

"Elijah, I have to pee, let me go!"

"Pee" And he points at his wee wee.

"You have to pee?"

"Pee" He points again.

"Ok, big boy let's go." I put him on the potty and tell him to hold his wee wee down and pee. He won't hold it down. He starts to pee all over the floor in front of him. When I try to help him he panicks, like he knows what to do and I'm ruining it.

"Yay!!!!!!" He was so proud of himself. I was too, but I had to clean up his pee, get him dressed all before I got to pee....which was painful by this point. So I put him outside the bathroom, into the hall and sit down to pee without getting him dressed or cleaning up the pee yet. I must have been so incredibly foggy of mind to do this, cause I should have saw what was going to happen.

Elijah runs back into the bathroom, slips across the floor on his pee and lands flat on his back in the pee, hitting his head. He's now covered in pee, screaming and potentially concussed.

After I comfort him and make sure he's not seriously injured I realize that we're both covered in urine. At least it was baby urine and not adult urine. That fact was comforting and I'm not sure why. I've never been covered in adult urine, or had to deal with it anywhere other than the toilet...where the extent of dealing with it was flushing...

Anyways, by the time we were both cleaned up and all of our pee soaked clothing gathered up for the wash, I was wide awake. He started down the stairs and I got dressed upstairs and when I got downstairs I was greeted by this sight:

A very delightful and hilarious day already, and it's only 8:30 am.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Too Fat Thursday!

If I need to lose like a hundred pounds, should I be eating an english muffin for breakfast?

Probably not.

And I'm super mad at you right now if you really believe I need to lose a hundred pounds.
90, maybe, a way.

Now I'm super mad at you for thinking I need to lose 90 pounds.

Ok, joking aside, how much is a 5'3'' 28 year old woman supposed to weigh?

I was going to talk about weight issues and boo hoo a lot...but a couple sentences in I realized that it's THURSDAY!

So on Thursday I vowed to embarrass Jeremiah...but I ran out of photos and can't bring myself to post the worst of the worst in our photo vault. I'm pretty sure he'd kill me. (They're not sexually case everyone was wondering. Our lives are very vanilla. And I'm not just saying that because my family members read my blog.)

Then I remembered this:

If I end up on the street for posting this video, I hope you all enjoyed it.

Once again, it's not really embarrassing. But I bet Jeremiah will think so.

In other totally non-weight or Jeremiah related news...I put up new items in my shoppy shop. If you have time, check them out.
We'll discuss over coffee and english muffins...then you can whip my ass into shape. Well, if we're going the whipping of asses route, maybe we shouldn't eat english muffins first. Kind of defeats the purpose, eh?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Obsessions with Expatriates: My True Story

All my life I've been a pretty avid reader. I learned to read at a very young age and I feel like I've been trudging through the muddy waters ever since. With Aplomb!

The first novel I remember reading was The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway (which was actually a novella...but give me a break, I was only 6). It's definitely a short journey well worth taking, I've reread it several times in several different sections of my life and took new understanding away from it every time. I became obsessed with Hemingway, which doesn't give the dude all that much credit, I was also obsessed with The Loch Ness monster.

I used to think about him, look at photos of him. I would pretend like I had read a very involved history of his relationships. Imagine him and Fitzgerald with Fitzgerald's small daughter Scottie in tow at a smokey bar, late in the night. They'd be arguing about the evils of their country and swearing over a toast to never return.

I love looking at this photo, I would study everyone's faces and think about what they were talking about, who was taking their photo, who they might have been meeting later that evening. Was Ezra Pound coming out to dine later that day? Were they going to go to the countryside with James Joyce and his long time partner and later wife, Nora?

Hemingway died in Utah in 1961, he committed suicide. Later I found that his father, sister, brother and later his granddaughter all committed suicide as well. What a strange sad thing.

I read all of their works, the ex-expatriates. I developed odd attachments with James Joyce's underrated poetry, some written for his insane daughter. A Painful Case is my favorite prose written by him, although I'm not sure why. My delight in this short peice certainly wouldn't compare to some people's lifetime obsession with Finnegan's Wake.
The one thing I could never wrap my dumb little head around was how his poetry could be so romantic and colorful, while his prose was so insanely detailed and interwoven. The dichotomy between Joyce's two forms of expression made me go back and back for more.

Ezra Pound and T.S. Eliot were the best educated of the bunch and were essentially the same person to me for a very long time. I ignored both of them mainly because of that and that they were not as galant and romantic as the others...

Later I read Eliot's The Waste Land and blew my freaking mind right out of my every loving skull. He references Dante, The Golden Bough, The grail story, and The Fisher King brashly and irreverently. He uses Sanskrit and alludes to many Christian and Eastern religious practices. The man meant to make poetry full of impersonal thought and seethingly precise detail, but by the end I think he ended up showing more personality than he previously had desired.
Eliot reminds me that April is the cruelest month, and that if you read through this poem, you will know the answers to everything. ;)
The Hollow Men

A penny for the Old Guy


We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us - if at all - not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.


Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death's dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
In the wind's singing
More distant and more solemn
Than a fading star.

Let me be no nearer
In death's dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer -

Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom


This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man's hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this
In death's other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.


The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms
In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death's twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.


Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom
Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
Life is very long
Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom
For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.