Friday, November 6, 2009

Daddy's Girl.

Becky at Steam Me Up Kid just did a three part thingy where she posted sections of a journal from what I'm guessing was the early 90's. (There was an awesome Club MTV reference. I love Becky).

And Miss. Chief posted her journals from a three month trip to Mexico....

So with butterflies in my stomach, I dragged out my 'memory boxes' from storage to find the scribblings from my youth. While I did find some horribly and intensely embarrassing missives written by yours truly and tons upon tons of carefully folded notes from random people I barely remember, I found some hidden gems stashed in the trashy masses.

SOOOOO even though I promised you would get to read some crap I wrote when I was 13 and obsessed with boys and hated my parents, instead I will regale you with my dad's genius.

I vaguely remember both of these notes. At least, I can remember them enough to know that they came from two separate occasions....I guess I didn't take them to school, even though they were originally intended for the attendance office. I imagine a cranky and tired little me finding these notes on the kitchen table as I was gathering my stuff together to go to the bus stop.

To the Powers that be,

Upon comfortable arising at approximately noontime one recent day (I certainly shan't be bothered to remember which particular day), I vaguely noticed through audible and visual clues that one of my numerous progeny had deigned to take it upon itself to remain sequestered within the opulence of my estate, rather then to entertain itself amongst the common, albeit intellectually supercharged atmosphere of your "public school". I garnered from her nearly unintelligible mutterings that she suffered from what was referred to as "pains" and "nauseas". Satisfied as to the insincerity of her claims, I proceeded to ignore her, as is my wont. These incidents having left my mind entirely, I was of course mildly irritated to notice I must pen an "excuse" in defense of this aberrant child's absence. I therefore state without further ado that erin was absent on Tuesday due to allegedly claiming the distress of an alleged stomachache.

don't bother me further,
ps. one law for The Lion and The Ox is oppression. -Blake

To you People,

Please excuse Erin on Feb. 6th and 7th due to the evident presence of vast, macrolopapular lesions or pustulus presenting anterio-cerebrally and excuffulating disgustingly down the anterior end of the posterior torso; judged to be cancerous by Erin. Despite parental pressure to the contrary, Erin remained absent from educational demonstrations. The whole mess cleared by 3:25 pm and was later diagnosed by a friend as being of Alien origin. Relieved, her parents released her to be educated once again this next day. As to the lateness of this note, I am rarely aware of the actual existence of my offspring, let alone the necessity of bothering myself to petition as to their absenteeism.

I therefore beg your pardon,

And then while I was putting the boxes back in storage, this small triangular crumbled note fell from the folds one of the boxes lids:

I love you.
Not competing with your friends as
you and I
have loved one another for many years.
I repeat,
I love you.

And I love you, Daddy.


Mel said...

Your Dad is hilarious! Those scraps of paper are treasure, and the best laugh I've had in days. Thanks for sharing the sweetness..

Unknown Mami said...

He's wonderful, brilliant, and funny ...just like you.

John Pender said...

I love your dad!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I had a father who was just like that - messing with the powers that be in ways that forced them to just accept what he was telling them. That was a great post and I thank you for reminding me how great a dad I had - not that I would ever forget that.

Constructive Attitude said...

awww the last one was so cute.

Petit fleur said...

Good stuff! I love all the describing of the ailments etal. Very funny!

Alicia (aka Dr. Mom) said...

Your dad ROCKS! Can i trade?
ps - your not getting out of sharing your teen angst letters are you? lol!

Madame DeFarge said...

Dads are exceptionally underrated individuals. Even mine.

Mwa said...

That last one - sigh. And the other two - amazing. What a wonderful thing to have.

Maggie May said...

What an awesome Dad :)

mylittlebecky said...

i love these.

Anonymous said...

All I can say is you were one lucky girl to have a Dad like that. My Dad had no sense of humour at all...*sigh*

kara said...

there was a lot of shakespeare and liquor in your household, wasn't there.

Mrs. Cullen said...

i love my dad~~~~~
i need to take out my memory box

otherworldlyone said...

Thought I commented on this already. Oops.

Your dad is the shit!

Vic said...

I think I might be a little in love with your dad. Is that wrong to say?

I hate when I'm excuffulating- the lotion for that is so expensive.

Such a great post, Erin!

Eidothia said...

Oh Erin,
Such a brilliant sense of humor. I think poor Dads get a raw deal when we hardly express how much they mean to us, like they dont need it at all :(
To Dads, I say!

Brian O'Mara-Croft said...

I made sure I burned most of my childhood never know when a love letter's going to be your undoing. Sweet note from your Dad...I'm actually a bit jealous.