Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Cold Hearted Snake...

I'm getting a cold.

I can't believe it.

My nose is itchy and stuffy.

I'm sneezing often.

My eyes are watering.

I'm whining more than usual...

Only one day into headcold land and I feel like I'm ready to call it quits. Tap out. Bring in the reinforcements. Whatever you do when you get some one else to do your job.

Oh.

I forgot.

I don't have a substitute or a back up. I'm the only one who can do this job and unfortunately it has to be done. First day of headcold-dom or not.

Wasn't Jeremiah's post so many layers of excellent? I cried when I read it. Jeremiah and I are very loving and affectionate, but he is not a complimenting type person. Reading that post made my day...and then I started feeling sick. Now nothing can make me feel better. Ever again. I'll never be the same.

It's so weird when all your kids are healthy and you're the one that's sick. I feel like crawling into bed and yelling down the stairs:

"MAX! HELLO..........MAXINE!!!!!!!! YOU SAID YOU WOULD GET ME SOME JUICE."

"MAX. Oh there you are. Max, mommy's so sick. Could you go and finish my orders for me, get online and pay Jeremiah's cell bill and the water bill. Use my regular account. Can you get your brother some cheese crackers and then clean the kitchen floor? There's something sticky in there and I can't figure it out."

"Oh. You're only 4. Nice excuse. I'm 28. That's only 24 years older than you and I do this crap every day!"

"PLEASE MAXXXXXXXX. I'M GOING TO CRY IF YOU DON'T DO WHAT I WANT."


Can you imagine the look on her face? Actually, knowing Max, she probably wouldn't even flinch, turn right around, leave my room and completely and totally ignore me. She might even laugh as she saunters slyly down the stairs, a low throaty laugh, one that only me and her master will hear.

That girl is a cold hearted snake...oh...look into her eyes...uh oh uh oh....

16 comments:

John Pender said...

Set up the camera and record her reaction.

kara said...

i agree...colds are as awful as paula abdul.

Ms. Moon said...

I swear, when I'm sick, I could lie in that bed and DIE from lack of attention. Perhaps this is why I never get sick. IT'S NOT WORTH IT IN ANY WAY!
Seriously- feel better. Demand some help. And juice. Lots of juice.

12gViolet said...

You poor thing! I hope you feel better soon.

My youngest is like Max, apparently. You feel sick, Mom? That's nice. What? Oh, you want me to pick up the juice that's right FREAKING IN FRONT OF ME? I can't do that... but I'll happily crawl all over your sick and dying body. Because you're my jungle gym. Nevermind that you can't breathe and my big butt sitting on your chest probably doesn't help. I'm just going to smile and pretend I don't hear you groaning at me to get off.

mo.stoneskin said...

You need to milk this time. Get the kids doing everything and maybe it will stick.

Mwa said...

That's horrible! Mums never get the day off. I especially love it when the man gets sick and gets in bed and doesn't move again for a week.

Dylan said...

Nice blog, and I hope you're feeling better. The part of your post regarding Jeremiah's cell bill caught my eye. We tend to think of wireless costs as fixed, but you can tinker with your plan to optimize your features to best suit your usage and often save significant cash in the process. I know this because I work in the consumer advocacy division of the company Validas, where we electronically audit and subsequently reduce the average cell bill by 22 percent through our website, http://www.fixmycellbill.com (and I'll add that 22 percent equates to over $450 per year for the average user). Put simply, Validas guards against frivolous and unnecessary charges that inflate your cell bill more than it should be for your usage. You can find out for free if fixmycellbill.com can modify your plan to better suit your needs by going to the website.

For more info, check out Validas in the national news media, most recently on Fox News at http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/dpp/consumer/conlaw/lower_cell_phone_bills_072409 .

Good luck on cutting your wireless costs, especially in light of this unforgiving economy.

Dylan
Consumer Advocacy, fixmycellbill.com

otherworldlyone said...

Aw, poor Erin.

Hey, my kid is four. I make her do things and stuff. It's lots of fun.

"Hey, you! Kid! Go get me that blanket!"

"Hey, sweetie, mommy needs her cell phone, her book, and her pillow out of her room. Shoo Shoo!"

She's so eager to help. But when I was that age, I was like Max. "Get you what? Bitch please! That'll be five dollars and a Kit Kat."

Technogran said...

Yes. All Mum's have been there,done that. I once pretended to faint in the bathroom (just as a private test to see if anyone would notice my absence or come into the bathroom and assist me) not one of my children nor my husband cared. One of my son's actually came into the bathroom an stepped right over me!
I would probably be still lying there if I hadn't got fed up.... as someone else has commmented its why us Mum's are made of sterner stuff, we don't get ill, we can't afford to because Ms Moon is correct, we would just wither away in bed...

erin said...

John: She would 'know' that there was camera set up and would be a complete angel.

Kara: You take two steps forward I take two steps back ooh!

Ms Moon: I actually feel a million times better than I did last night. Jeremiah and I went to bed at 9:30...and no juice! Too many calories! ;)

12g: Max is so thin I would hardly notice if she was crawling all over me. She's a more aloof creature than yours, it seems. She's not so much for demanding attention...more like demanding things and then wanting to be left alone.

Mo: I asked Rose and Olivia to clean their rooms this morning. We'll see how that worked out here in a few minutes when I go upstairs.

Mwa: Jeremiah goes to work sick everytime he gets a cold. I'm very proud of him.

Dylan: Thanks?

OWO!:I told you, I'm sure Max is your baby. It's a case of mistaken maternity.

Granny: Rose felt bad for me this morning. And Jeremiah and I both seem to have the same thing so we commiserated in bed last night (ha!) But Max is like ice.

michelle said...

Guess we're all thought of as super moms with super strength and super immune systems.

Or maybe we've partnered and spawned legions of cold hearted parasites.

It's possible.

Glad you're feeling better

12gViolet said...

"Get you what? Bitch please! That'll be five dollars and a Kit Kat." ROFL! That's my baby cousin. Except sub in 10 dollars and a pizza... she doesn't come cheap. Hahahaha.

Alicia (aka Dr. Mom) said...

LOL! Ok, im so sorry you are sick, but this made me almost pee my pants.
I hear you - its a dirty rotten rip off when a mom gets sick. You CANT crawl into bed (like my husband does the minute he feels remotely malaise) bc the world would literally stop, eyes would get ripped out, and the house would burn down as we all starved.
Well, i hope you feel better soon. Fluids. Tea. Vitamin C. Yadda yadda... you know the drill :)

mylittlebecky said...

poor wittle erin. sorry! *feel better hugs!*

marcia furman said...

ack!! feel better soon!! AND yes you should definitely record Max's reaction! BUAHAH!

Prosy said...

there needs to be some sort of mom substitute you can hire...I'd volunteer but I don't know nothing about babies