Saturday, October 24, 2009

Blogging is For Jeremiah

Jeremiah, my love, my all, my very self, is posting today on Blogging is for Dorks.

I have not read what he has written, but I'm sure it's wonderfully sarcastic and maybe even bordering on mean.

Comment him and compliment him! I implore you! I have to live with this beast day after day and if no one comments on this post, I will never hear the end of it.


So, what is like to live with Erin, my sweet little schnookems pookie bunny face?

It is rather like walking on egg-shells due to her hair trigger temper. Erin will not hesitate to administer a devastating thrashing for something as simple as asking her to try to remember to close the kitchen cabinets.
Here is a picture of a, shall I say, "less brutal" beating from an earlier date (enhanced for clarity).

Dear sweet Olivia tried to sooth my frayed nerves by brushing my hair.
Olivia is my favorite of the girl children that live in our house. Please do not tell the other ones that I said that though.

Erins attacks come suddenly and swiftly from which, I have no defense. If one has ever seen the Tom and Jerry cartoon in which Jerry (that's the mouse), takes Tom (the cat) by the foot and slams him to and fro, then spins around like an Olympic athlete releasing him into a piano...that is an accurate description of the level of violence this woman is capable of.

Beware not to cross her.

In all seriousness though, she takes care of all of us really well and puts up with my shit more than I put up with hers. She is very talented and beautiful, I just love to cuddle all night and whisper sweet nothings into each others ears (gag,cough) and then go to sleep knowing all is well and that we are soul mates.

Now to the revenge section.

I am sorry but I cannot resist posting an embarrassing photograph.....this is in retaliation of course.

! I can't bring myself to do it.

So I'll describe it a little:

Erin is laying on the couch on her back. She's wearing an old grey T-shirt riddled with holes and various stains of unknown origin with green and grey striped pajama bottoms, hair and clothes are both disheveled . She's asleep with one arm above her head ,slightly bent. The other is tucked in her pants like Al Bundy. Priceless!
In fact, having made several copies, stored at different locations, I think somebody will have to start being very nice to a certain ( she's going to be pissed at that sentence because she's nice all the time)

Erin cooks, cleans, does the laundry, takes care of the children and complains about it incessantly. And we love her. And she loves the Golden Girls, and all reality shows.

She dances like a white broad, is a total control freak and pretends she can speak German. I could, if I felt so inclined, reveal some deep dark secrets here but I will not be that mean (wink wink pick pick).

So instead of creating an even more hostile environment and to avoid a total bloodbath I will just end this by saying, "Hey my little pookie chipmunk looking piece of delightfulness, thank you for being you. I love you! ".

P.S. I need a new hat, unless you can worsh the old one. Oh man the kids are all going to be saying "worsh" it's going to be awesome, I'll see ya later.


12gViolet said...

Mothers of small children are required to be control freaks. It helps keep us from going insane. Also, it means your house/life/existence aren't completely in chaos. (Hint: This is a good thing.)

Pop and Ice said...

Bad ass Mutha-Fucka indeed. Who else would be Erin's soulmate?

And get her to lay off hating on my kittehs. Make her say something nice about my felines!

miss. chief said...

Oh boy oh boy! I knew the real Erin was a mean old husband beater.

I think I just convinced Dr.Claw to do a guest post on my blog. Woohoo!

ladytruth said...

A talented artist judging by that picture, just like Erin!

Petit fleur said...

Good post Jeremiah!

"She dances like a white broad, is a total control freak and pretends she can speak German". That may be my very favorite part!!

This was fun to read, although I'm way too much of a control freak to allow my hub to write about me! (See how good you have it Jeremiah.)

Take it easy,

John Pender said...

You know you have to post that pic now, right?

otherworldlyone said...

Haha! Erin the man beater! I knew we had something in common.

Cute post. I doubt the one my bud does later will be as complimentary.

diane said...

Nice "bride of frankenstein" stripes, dude!
I'd be willing to bet Erin is controlling for good reason. I agree with 12gViolet.
Good job on the guest post, you made me chuckle. Btw, Erin's coming back soon, right? RIGHT?

Madame DeFarge said...

Are you sure he wrote this, big words and all? I daren't let M. Defarge lose on my blog. He'd open up huge cans of worms.

Little Ms Blogger said...

I love that she pretends to speak German.. such a random statement and funny.

mylittlebecky said...

aw, chipmunk face! aaaaw. you guys are silly.

i just said to chuck, "everyone's SO are doing blogs for their bloggies. i told them you wouldn't do it." and he said, "why'd you tell them that?" and i said, "oh. you're gonna do it?" with a questioning eyebrow raise. and he said, "meh."

Ms. Moon said...

Jeremiah- You are a good man but please- do not be afraid to be mushy. Mush and romantic will get you to places of joy you you never dreamed possible.
Or wait- maybe I'm speaking to my own sweetie pie.
But I feel certain that this is a universal truth.

Prosy said...

Do you keep that blackmail photo in an undisclosed location? Because Erin is pretty wily.

Sam said...

Aw, the love fairly oozes from this post. Whatta guy. And funny, too! :)

Mr. Condescending said...

"Class, where is the white house located?"

[Olivia raises hand]

"Worshington DC"

Unknown Mami said...

You are one classy dude!

Great post, but I would have loved to see that picture.

kara said...

there are new tom and jerry cartoons now wherein they have voices and use them to say inane things. i consider this to be a sign of the apocalypse and i assume (based soley on your choice of accoutrement in that picture) that you'll most likely agree.

i plan on starting a facebook fan page for a constitutional amendment to de-voice classic cartoon characters. for the children.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Why am I just finding this now? Am I not following your blog yet? What the heck??

Did you buy Jeremiah that bad ass necklace after you beat the shit out of him? That's good. You have to show them you care after you lose your temper. "Hey baby, you know I didn't mean it. You shouldn't make me mad like that. Here, I bought you something special..."

Jay Ferris said...

This is why my wife gets a crushed up Xanax in her nightly cup of cocoa. Well, Xanax and Lithium if I'm feeling particularly frisky...

Maura Kathleen said...

Hahahahhaaha. Jeremiah, you're lucky to have such a lovely person love you! Hahaha.

And your edits to that photo are too badass for words.