I've been thinking alot about 'crazy' lately.
I was fascinated with insane asylums as a child. If I told my momma that I could levitate would she think I was unstable? If Joshy and I threw kittens off the back porch (we did not...it was the neighbor kid, I swear...and they all landed on their feet, as expected) would the neighbor lady insist that we were criminally insane? If I couldn't sleep at night, if I had horrible nightmares, would my Daddy get tired of comforting me and ship me off to the loony bin?
It began when I somehow watched The Snake Pit in it's entirety. I don't remember ever being alone as a child, yet somehow I watched this very scary movie at a very impressionable age. My pappy probably left AMC on when he fell asleep in his recliner and this came on after Bonanza or some John Wayne flick.
The wheels began to turn. Would I snap one day?
So together we shall search high and low these deeps crevices (of my mind, you pervert), to determine whether or not I am a total raving lunatic. Here is some evidence I have compiled:
1) I don't like the dark. Remnants from the aforementioned nightmares of my youth. And I see dead people. :)
2) I worry about the kids. All the time. Does Rose have the right shoes? Is Max awake yet? She'll be fussy all day if she sleeps past 9 a.m. Did I pack Olivia's special conditioner? Is Elijah breathing in his crib?
3)I can't pee in a public restroom if there's someone in the stall next to me. No matter how bad I have to pee I can't stand being that close to a urinating stranger. I'll literally flee the restroom.
4)I think about sex at random times. I suppose most people are like this, but I like to pretend I'm wholly unique, so deal. I'm folding laundry, see Jeremiah's boxers...think about him taking them off.
I'm on a walk with the kids, see the patch of grass three blocks away that Jeremiah and I had sex in last week, right in the middle of some random stranger's yard. (ha that was made up, did you enjoy it while it lasted?)
5) I'm pretty sure I don't see myself like everyone else sees me. I've always been sure that's it is an self-esteem issue, but lately I'm wondering if I'm just delusional. When I look in the mirror I don't see the person reflected back to me in others eyes. My brow is thicker, my hair darker, my complexion far more marked. Every curve of my body is grossly disproportionate to my size. I'll stand next to someone and feel so small. I'll look in the mirror and I feel like a giant.
6) I'll eat most anything off of the floor. If it drops and I like it, it will most assuredly end up in my mouth.
7) I think that all of my children look like some sort of magical creature. Rose is fairy-like, Olivia is a classic imp (like the original Peter Pan prints), Maxine is a pixie (duh) and Elijah is a jolly gnome.
OR they're all dead ringers for adorable animals.
Rose used to look like a meerkat, now she's definitely a doe. Olivia is a bunny or a bear (as a younger, chubbier child the resemblance was UNCANNY), Maxine Jane is a a llama sometimes, sometimes a baby gecko or one of those tiny baby tree frogs. Elijah is obviously a lion cub. Duh.
8) When something sparks my interest, I can't stop thinking about it. I watched Grey Gardens (the original documentary) the other day while I was working on an order and I just couldn't stop thinking about the two Edie's. The mother's voice rang in my ears, the strange conspiratorial whispering of the daughter replayed over and over. Questions funneled into my brain. I had the idea that I would have liked to meet these women, just for one day. I was relieved of this fantasy by the realization that they are both dead. By the end of the night I felt really great about film in general and the things that humans capture to share with one another.
Eight things?!? That's it?
The day is beautiful and the hours seem shorter and shorter every year. I suppose I should stop worrying about my mental state and start enjoying the Spring.
Or are these daily trappings just an illusion? Oh the human mind. What a terrible thing to waste.