Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Famous Men I Have No Interest In Sleeping With...

Jeremiah is convinced that if I like an actor or musician it means that I want to sleep with that person. I don't ever think about all the different sexual things I would do to the famous people I like (I'm assuming automatically connecting sexual acts with members of the opposite sex is a common thing? What's wrong with you people?), I rather think about how awesome it would be to hang out with them.

Here are some of my famous 'friends'-

Dennis Quaid. I think Jeremiah is suspicious that I have a crush on him. But to set Jeremiah's fears to rest, having sex with Mr. Quaid is not on the list of things I would like to do with him. Playing ping pong is. Can you imagine how fun it would be to play ping pong with Dennis Quaid? He has such an awesome laugh and a enigmatic smile. I'm all about smiles. Oh AND Cranium. I bet Dennis Quaid would be an excellent Cranium partner!

Crispin Glover. Ok. I know he's creepy. But if you look back throughout your childhood and teenage years, some of your best and most loyal friends were probably also a bit creepy. I saw Crispin on Chelsea Lately the other night and though it was an uncomfortable encounter, I saw definite potential in him as a bud. He's definitely a video gaming friend! Or! Even better! A karaoke video gaming friend. I think I nailed that one down perfectly.

Ben Folds. I know, I know. I talk about him a bit. He would definitely be the type of friend you'd go on bike rides with. When you took a break from the bike rides you could wax philosophic about your childhoods, your historical theories about Hitler or the existence of Giants in Ancient Gaul, he'd be thoughtful and make fun of you at the same time.

Marlon Brando. I know Brando died in July of 2004, I've just always felt that he would have been a friend of mine. Sure, he seemed tortured, self absorbed, kind of ego maniacal in nature...but I can see beyond all of that. He'd fly you to some beach, but you wouldn't be afraid he was trying to get in your pants...I have a feeling he'd screwed himself out of commission by the time I was born. He'd talk about his amazing life, the movies he's made, the people he has known and the tragedies he's experienced. He wouldn't listen to a word you would say in response, he would just go on and on and on. And I know I would love every second of it, how about you?

Falcor. You have to believe me on this one, right Jeremiah? I would not want to have sex with Falcor from The Neverending Story. I would, however, want him to fly me all over the world, perched high atop his glorious white and scaly back. FALCOOOORRRRRRRRRR!

Gabriel Byrne. I heard him tell a story about a huge scar he has on his right side on some late night talk show. He said he was in some dive bar on the coast in Ireland and got in a brawl with a bunch of sailors. Whoever was interviewing him said something like, 'I guess you lost the fight.' Gabriel Byrne looked at the interviewer completely seriously and said, 'You should have seen the other guys.' So that right there explains why he would be a good friend. He'll take a shiv for you in a bar fight and keep on going at it! Plus, he's Irish.

20 comments:

Logical Libby said...

Crispin Glover? Hmmmm. Yeah. Well, I guess I can't really talk with my whole Tony Curtis thing...

Colleen said...

Falcor? Really? Falcor frequented my nightmares as a child. I know he's a good guy, but look at that face. Quite intimidating to a five-year-old.

Jules said...

Falcor MIGHT crush you if you slept with him.... BUT he'd TOTALLY be cool to hang out with! TOTALLY!!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Yay! I'm not on the list either!

Ellen said...

My daughters would so agree with you on Falcor. How we ALL loved the Neverending Story! Yes!

Mwa said...

You really don't ever imagine getting dirty with any celebrities? Seriously? Not even McDreamy and McSteamy at the same time? (Mmmm...)

Ally said...

That's funny. I have lots of celebrity crushes, but I never imagine what I'd actually do with them if we hung out. I just figured we'd grab some coffee and I'd maybe give them a kiss if they said it was OK. Ha ha!

Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing

Tony said...

I never saw Never Ending Story...does that make me deprived?

Stella said...

Falcor FTW! And where is your picture of Gabriel Byrne? I'd definitely like to hang out with someone who could survive a knife fight and keep on ticking...

Unknown Mami said...

Too bad you can't hang out with them all at once. You could have a singing, ping pong, philosophy party.

Nanc Twop said...

The Neverending Story...

Oops, now you've done it. I've got that song stuck in my head again!

;-)

Vic said...

Crispin Glover scares me. Colin Firth, on the other hand, I would let show me distant lands.

Stephanie Milligan said...

Well, I'd have to disagree with you on the Gabriel front....anything and everything for me!

mylittlebecky said...

i saw falcor and everything else left my mind. holy. shit. that movie fah-reaked me OUT! i'm having flashbacks. *shudder*

i would be down with a friend who could fly me all over the world. also? i wanna be friends with bret, jemaine and murray. although, we would make fun of murray a lot. good times.

Maggie May said...

Falcor!!!!!!!!

kara said...

the difference between you and me is that the gabriel byrne story makes me want to chew on him EVEN MORE. he's in my gary oldman club (50 year old men i want to do)

also, have you seen this?

http://buzzworthy.mtv.com/2010/03/22/ben-folds-chat-roulette-video/

it amuses.

otherworldlyone said...

Dennis Quaid's smile IS quite contagious.

Falcor gives me the creeps though.

Amanda said...

What about Dennis Quaid and some BEER pong!?

This is sort of like how I love Ryan Seacrest but not sexually, I just am in love with his work ethic.

Powdered Toast Man said...

I have always wanted to ride falcor!

Ping Pong with Mr. Quaid, I'm in. Where and when?

Found your blog from Tales of a Fourth grad nothing.

Maura Kathleen said...

I find it eerie that you mentioned Falcor from the Neverending Story, simply because I saw it at the Exchange on Tuesday, and HAD to buy it.