Thursday, May 27, 2010

The older they are, the more hilarious the fall

I like getting older. Things have become more sedate, my mind isn't constantly racing (although it is consistently racing), I actually enjoy the lines on my face (but not the persistent fat on my hips and thighs) and the quiet evenings with Jeremiah in front of the t.v.

The thing I don't enjoy is the fact that I all of the sudden have a better memory (shouldn't it be the other way around?). I remember it being this hot last year at the exact same time (too early to go to the pool, school's still in session, too early to set up the air conditioners), when in years past I would just say, "God! Why is it so hot ALREADY!"

I can't 'forget' to take out the trash now that the weather is warmer. Stinky kitchens are a big No-No.

I can't forget which clothes in the kids rooms' are clean or dirty and then throw clean clothes in the dirty baskets just so I don't have to hang them up or put them in drawers.

I can't forget to clean up the pile of graham crackers in the gameroom and just cross my fingers that we won't get an ant infestation.

I can't just forget and move on immediately when someone hurts my feelings.

I can't forget words that have been said to me in anger or frustration and put them in my back pocket to be smooshed over and over again by my arse.

I also can't forget that there's ANOTHER giant spider in the basement, waiting to pounce on me in retribution for the callous abuse of his Brother In Scariness.

Nor can I forget how much of an asshole I am for being so frightened of a freaking insect.

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Elijah has pooped on the potty several times this week and Maxine was is unimpressed, or seems to be. She has a problem with addressing people (other than me) to their faces, instead preferring to talk to them with her head turned or by referring to them in a separate conversation with me.

Instead of "Good Job Elijah!"

She'll speak to the area to his right and say, "He's gone two times now. I'm surprised."

Or else she'll turn towards me and say, "You should give him a high five now."

I've been encouraging her to talk more directly to people in the future, giving her pep talks to soothe any anxiety over having those direct conversations.

"Maxine, let me fill you in on a few facts. You're an amazing person. You're beautiful and smart and you have to give people the opportunity to talk to you. The more people you talk to, the cooler those people get. You have so much coolness in you it would be a crime to not pass it on to more people."

"Mom. You told me not to touch anyone when I go to school. How do I smash kids with my coolness if I can't touch them?"

"Smash kids? What are you talking about?"

"You said I had to smash people with coolness."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I said you're so cool it would be a crime not to pass on your coolness."

... .... Max cocks her head and thinks solemnly. I've somehow upset her... ...

"It would be a crime to smash people too."

True dat.

4 comments:

MJenks said...

Just walk everywhere in the basement in that now classic movie style to handle the spiders: with a bottle of hairspray and a lighter.

nova said...

whaddaya mean? I smash people with my coolness all the time!

Angela Christensen said...

Can't let the "I can't forget" go by without a comment, Erin...having lived through Pop's "I can't remember", I can tell you it is a good damn thing to be unable to forget. Thanks for writing about it so wonderfully.

Back to smashing people with my coolness; check you later.
Love,
Angie at Eat Here

Falling Up said...

OMG you throw clean clothes in the laundry basket too? Story of my life.

I used to not make eye contact with people. I still don't sometimes? idk I can't tell but I've gotten better at it. I think.