Friday, May 21, 2010

Erin Vs. The Angry Guru

Yesterday while Elijah and Maxine were napping and I was working on a custom order, I watched a documentary called The Workshop.

It's essentially about a man who is confused and wants some answers about life, so he attends this 'intense' 10 day workshop where a middle aged man who has positioned himself as a guru yells at everyone that they're all fucked up, but aside from making them all feel worthless, he doesn't really give them any answers. Except that they should all get naked and be open. Which means openly fornicating. With multiple partners.

Watching this made me feel weird. I wasn't turned on, but I didn't stop watching. I'm not into porno but I'm not a chaste person...I'm not offended by seeing random people nude but I'm not entirely comfortable either.

And that's the type of reaction that this guru would pounce on.

With all of their touting of love and acceptance, guru's still wind up seeming pretty angry. Angry and Erin don't match well. I either cry or I will nod my head silently and then cry about it later while in bed, or in the shower.

Something about this guy really pissed me off though. I can just see our conversation...Dick Head Guru and a Much Braver Than Usual Erin:

"Why are you ashamed of something so natural?"

"Did I say I was ashamed?"

"When you take away all of the outer trappings, all you're left with is the person underneath."

"Making someone vulnerable is a trapping in itself, isn't it? A manipulation technique?"

"Only if it's been programmed into your head that being nude and open makes one vulnerable."

"I think part of being a human is finding what you're comfortable with and making the decision on your own."

"How would you know if you're making the decision on your own or if you're already programmed to make the decision that others and society want you to make?"

It's this type of circular logic that would get me in the end. There's no way you can argue with this type of man. I dismissed him and continued to watch mainly out of morbid curiousity.

Until the people in the workshop starting dealing with jealousy, and the guru started to address it as well.

Jealousy is something I deal with everyday. It's probably rooted within me from some sort of low self esteem, I assume. I had never thought of myself as a jealous person, nor had I ever been called that by anyone else until I was with Jeremiah. I became jealous beyond reason. I feel sick just thinking about how much I worry that he will leave me for someone else, that he likes someone (male or female) better than me, that he's lost interest in me because of my domesticity. I would do anything within reason (no nudity or group sex, please) to conquer these absurd emotions I have constantly.

So I listened.

When the guru suggested I watch my partner make love to someone else in front of me, I shut the movie off.



otherworldlyone said...

Yeah, that would freak me the fuck out. I'm not even close to being chaste, but Nooooo freaking way. Next movie please.

Amanda said...

This is the second straight blog referring to sex I've read today! Once when I was young and stupid and dating my college boyfriend, I asked him if he was jealous of someone -- a guy friend of mine, maybe -- and he said, "no, jealousy is a waste of energy", and I always think about him saying that, but I don't think it's true. I get jealous too, quite a bit. I'm jealous of time friends spend with other friends, or if their relationship is better; I'm jealous when someone will tell another coworker gossip and leave me out; blogging has brought out a whole ton of jealousy, like if another blogger takes my idea and runs with it and they get the credit. It's a natural but really frustrating emotion, that's for sure.

nova said...

what the crap? That sounds like a really effed up hippie giving terrible advice, not a ... movie?

Ms. Moon said...

Sounds like a pretty sado-masochistic type dealio to me. And sick. Very sick. Let's just call it what it is- sick.
We all deal with jealousy. But we don't have to deal with sick shit.

kara said...

i like to end circular arguments with a kick in the shin. so i'm not a quaker. sue me.

(which they would be able to do. for assault) said...

I didn't know I could get paid for the workshops I have been running. :) Just kidding. I think I would prefer not to "be okay" with my partner having sex with someone else in front of me (or behind me, or behind closed doors etc.).

Petit fleur said...

There are so many lunatics out there just waiting to exploit the smallest of vulnerabilities in us all... forget about the bigger ones!

You are perfect just as you are. Perfectly Erin, and that is who Jeremiah loves.

Powdered Toast Man said...

I'm curious to see that show now. Why would someone want to watch their partner have sex with someone else? That is effed up.

michelle said...

Boo Hiss. Don't listen to the old naked guy.

Guru? Bah!