In Which My Life is Threatened Outright

Have you ever been hated by someone?

I mean really, venomously hated?

I'm not sure that I have before recently. In friendships I usually bail once I sense any drama a-brewing. Which has been tough considering some women and a rather large number of men are vessels filled and overflowing with drama.


I received an email from the girlfriend of a friend of ours yesterday. Our friend is from a neighboring city and had stayed with us for a get-together Saturday night and then a fishing/hiking type excursion Sunday afternoon. (A bunch of glorious outside time AND tons of exercise followed by us ordering take out that night and literally stuffing our faces.) His relationship with aforementioned girlfriend is in shambles, but because of their years together and their joint attempts at recovery from addiction, he feels the need to stay with her, regardless of her disgusting and disturbing behavior.

If you are not used to reading foul language, and if you don't want to be outright offended by someone's abusing me outright, please do not continue reading.

You might question why I chose to post this...and I honestly can't answer you. I felt like embarrassing the living hell out of this crazy bitch, I felt like outing her in a public arena and mainly I wanted to hear some sort of outrage at these words that were actually directed at me. Maybe I'm still in shock.

I edited the name of our town out of the missive and changed it to 'Egypt', cause I can. The original email is in italics, my 'responses' will be in bold italics. I didn't change anything else, although I was shaking with the need to fix her grammar and spelling mistakes. Ugh.

This may or may not be an actual photo of the person in question. I have never met her before.

hey, you, get over here. whats yr fucking problem calling my old man and emailing him and iming him every second you get?

I went through my email accounts and counted how many emails I've actually sent my friend. The number is five and they are all job search related. (I've been helping him look for a job). The number of phone calls is hardly any, if you compare it to how much I talk to Jeremiah, or his mother or my momma. There are four phone calls from three weeks ago and three from the past week. There are a total of 12 text messages.

like i dont know what score is. yr messing with the wrong viking here. you need to leave him the fuck alone coz he had a goal before yr sorry ass came in the picture and yr dumbfuck baby clothes ARE NOT worth 2 turds.

He had a goal before I came along? I adore my friend but watching cartoons, smoking pot and then sitting idly by while his girlfriend gets drunk and makes a complete and total ass of herself doesn't seem very goal oriented, does it?

you want to fuck him so bad, Egypt sucks and yr bored? dont you have like a million billion kids, go take care of him.

I have done more in three seconds of being a mother than you have done for your child his whole entire life.

i am feeling sorry for jeremiah. yr a real cunty one arent you? so like i said, swing from his jock (haha yr gonna get let down...)and go set yrself on fire. YOU CAUSE ALL DISSENT IN MY HOME! so you fucked joey, so what? so yr from egypt, oooooh! another egyptian junkie thief or whorebag backasswards briar!

I have never done any drugs other than smoking pot, maybe a dozen times. I dated my friend's older brother, Joey, when I was a teenager, so I suppose that's the only thing she actually gets right in this whole entire email.

i told dave shisty fucks arent to be trifled with. i dont like you. i really dont like you. thats my mate for over 9 years AND the fathers of my son. if ol jeremiah is daves friend, why dont they communicate. got to be the center of the attraction?everytime you call and call and call (get a fucking hobby!) i try to be polite, but if i ever see you near my home yr getting curbstomped. and prepare for me to come to egypt next time.

When she has answered the phone the two times I have called and she answered she picked up the phone and said "Is this some fucking girl calling my man?????" and then she screamed at the top of her lungs and I hung up. The second time she answered "Whats????" and I said "Hi. Can I speak with David?" and she said "He's at the dentist, don't call here again." and hung up. She's the epitome of polite.

lets see what happens if you get too friendly, ill wartooth yr ass1111how about we switch men? youll find out how mentally unstable he is. and i found it ironic the days dave and i planned so many mysterious things went on so i couldnt in. yunz are smoother than a lexus, you think?i really hate people who beat around the bush. i dont think you know who yr dealing with, but ill school you when i kick yr door down. find out how we do it in dayton....

you better fucking run! and all yr sychopants and wannabe friends. yr summoning ragnarok.

I don't think we were beating around the bush AT ALL when we (meaning me and my wannabe friends and sycophants) told our friend to under NO CIRCUMSTANCES bring his girlfriend with him, do you? And Ragnarok? I'll give you a hint to why I know 'Ragnarok' , more commonly known Gotterdammerung, isn't coming. First of all, I had no idea that it could be summoned. Secondly, it's to be preceded by the winter of all winters, with no springs or summers for many years beforehand. I don't know if you've actually stepped outside in the last few days, but it's 82 degrees and perfectly sunny right now. Looks a lot like Spring turning into Summer.

all of you egyptian rumdums are soooo fucking scared of me, proof of inbreeding....

if you werent on my old mans dick so hard i wouldnt even write this...but circumstances are different here. and shut the fuck up, youd be the same way. yr a scammer, so why wouldnt everyone else be? were going to end up fighting eventually. its inevitable.

You're citing where I was born and raised as an example of inbreeding when you just mentioned GROWING UP IN DAYTON OHIO????

peeacy outtie galaxie 500 sister....syke! you are dead. stick another stupid thought into daves head.let him pursue his fucking career and shag ass out of our lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nobody beats me in my backyard.

the next fight i have with david over you im getting the myers bus and coming to have a cup of hot coffee with me so i can scald you with it.

have that on yr eggs!!!

Coffee on my eggs? Oh...pieces of my burning face on my eggs? That was a threat. I was actually frightened. Not even being sarcastic...although it is my first inclination to be so.

I got the briefest of apologies from my friend on The Book of Faces that night. It actually made me even more upset. I get that kind of email from your girlfriend, sent from your email account and this is the apology I get:

hey, sorry for ailene. please don't hold it against me.... i don't know what happened, i've been asleep all day. sorry

Who needs friends when you have the psychotic girlfriends of friends to keep you company?