Thursday, February 10, 2011

A Letter to God

2/10/2011 12:45 pm
location: my front room's couch

Dear God,

It's me, Erin. I'm not going to ask you for bigger boobs (trust me, I've got that part down), for a billion dollars, or for world peace. I'm not going to beg you to get into heaven (yet), blame you for cancer or AIDS, or bemoan my fate as the possessor of a wide, flat ass.

I am going to ask you for one simple, tiny little thing. I would like to have longer eyelashes.

That's all.

Thanks,
Erin

P.S. I've decided that longer eyelashes aren't really that important, but instead of deleting that and requesting something different, I'm going to leave that request there and just make sure you understand it's my #2 request.

P.S.S. My #1 request is that I'd magically not have to come up with the craft/activity for Rosey's Valentines Day party on Monday. And that whatever parents had to do it would have fun coming up with the craft and then implementing it with the children. I think that's it.

Thanks again, God.

Love Bunches,
Erin

P.S.S.S Ok. Just one more quick thing. You know how mother fucking cold it is today? You might not have noticed, because of how busy you are, etc...etc...

BUT IT'S 8 degrees right now. 8 DEGREES. Is there anyway you can do something about that? Before I have to go to the bus stop in 12 minutes?

Your Devoted Servant (I try, sort of),
Erin

9 comments:

Paige said...

Since you didn't ask for big boobs or money is it ok if I do?? Awesome. If either magically appears I will quit my current atheistic stance and start going back to temple.

Mollie said...

Ah come on, kid! The best Valentine's Day activity I ever had was decorating cookies. Messy, yes. But, really... simple.

MJ said...

I totally understand about the eyelashes. It's a longstanding wish of mine. My three siblings all inherited my dad's long, dark eyelashes. So wasted on boys, too. Me? I got my mother's short blond ones. Not fair.

Elly Lou said...

I don't suppose knitting edible thongs out of licorice laces qualifies as a suitable craft, eh? No? I got nothing.

kara said...

can't you get that prescription stuff now for longer lashes? you know, from that commercial with brooke shields were the legalese at the bottom states that she doesn't actually use it? it's been approved by a clinical study. what can possibly go wrong?

Logical Libby said...

I have an awesome craft for you -- oh wait -- you probably can't bring booze to school...


And my wide, flat ass feels for yours.

Ms. Moon said...

Heh-heh.

Simon said...

Had an answer yet?

Brooke said...

: )