Friday, October 29, 2010

I'm Raffling Off Children. Get a Ticket.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before...but I have a lot of children.


That's a lot.

My parents had five and I still feel like I have many many more children here at this house then were ever at my house growing up.

I suppose that's because I'm in charge and responsible for all these beings here, when in stark contrast I wasn't responsible for shit growing up.

(I didn't know how to do laundry or how much tylenol cost when I went to college. I was the butt of many jokes.)

Also not helping things is the fact that all of my children have such different and complex personalities.

Rosey is uptight and brighter than a ten year old should be. She's nosy, interested and an excellent conversationalist. She's also dramatic at times and takes everything WAY to seriously. Between school, soccer and shared custody, I rarely get to see her.

People have told me Olivia would be trouble from the day her white hair turned red. I suppose redheads have a bad reputation? She was a late talker and then when words started actually flowing from her mouth, the flood gates were permanently flown open. She sings, she flits around like a flighty lanky flamingo, she cries foul at her siblings thousands of times a day, stays up too late, laughs incredibly loud at funny movies and is afraid of the dark. Oy vey!

Maxine Jane is the most difficult, temperamental, awe inspiring, incredible, dichotomous person I've ever met in my life. I think about her all the time, she's embedded into my brain like a poem you loved as a child or a scene from a movie you've seen a million times. She loves animals, loves movies, loves everything...until she's not getting her way and then she hates the world and will stop at nothing to make everyone around her as miserable as she is. Ah. Max.

Elijah is the child of my heart. I've never loved anyone as much as I love Jeremiah and I'm in awe of the fact I get to raise his son. He was an easy baby, a great sleeper and a great nurser. At three years old ("I'm going be free!" as he would say) Elijah is a strong bodied, strong willed boy. He jumps and climbs and conquers.

Ok. So now that you know a little bit about each one...which one do you want to take home with you!?


MJenks said...

No no. I have two of my own. They fight quite enough as it is; I do not need to introduce a third variable into this mix.

Deidra said...

Elijah seems the most agreeable. I want that one. ^_^

Ms. Moon said...

Oh. Whichever one is left over.

liz woodbury said...

would you be willing to consider a rental agreement?

erin said...

MJenks: A third variable is exactly what you need. Trust me.

Deidre: Ha! Or else was this post a trick to get someone to take him first?

Ms Moon: I'm sure they'll all go fast. Adorable.

Liz: How about I just bring all of them up there and we crash at your place for awhile?!

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

You know who I want.

Although you're kind of selling me on Max lately. No, I won't stray. I won't.

dbs said...

I already have my own Maxine. She's 16 now. Just wait. I like to call mine the most disfunctionally functional human being I've ever met. said...

Your Maxine Jane and my Moira sound like twins. My heart goes out to you. :) I have three, but four does look like a lot more for some reason. Sorry, I won't be buying a ticket.

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

i'll trade any one of yours for my dog, biscuit. it's easier to rent an apt with a child than a dog.

Vic said...

I'd take them all except I think there's some kind of child welfare law against having two temperamental red heads in one household.

Nanc Twop said...

Am I too late for the raffle?

We could always use another excellent conversationalist around the house, so put my raffle ticket money toward Rosey. ;-)

Mwa said...

It seems to be a thing with the eldest child. I think too much, so does my son. We're both oversensitive, too. Your eldest seems the same.

I also have my hands full with my three, so thanks but no thanks. Even though they are adorable.

otherworldlyone said...

You know which one *I* want. Hand her over. She can keep Hannah company in the closet.

Brooke said...

What a beautiful family! I'll take the red head so that if I ever dye mine red, people will think it's natural.

Brenda said...

I am a new follower of your blog, I found you on novarella's blogroll. Reading this post made me think of my Katy. She is a super difficult but super loving 5 year old. She is the middle child between my 10 year old and 3 year old daughters. They are like the calm bookends to an extremely fast paced thriller book. Everything about my Katy is SUPER, from the moment she was born. SUPER loud, SUPER energized, SUPER silly (that is my least favorite). I think I could start a blog just about her. I am glad I found your blog!