Friday, January 15, 2010

Compiling Information in My Bed...Engage.

Here is a copy of the list I wrote last night in bed. I could not sleep even though I watched the requisite late night Star Trek:Next Generation and 48Hours. So forgive any strange errors, I'm typing this the way I wrote it last night:


--Do Not eat any more bite size snickers bars. The three you consumed yesterday plus any you might shove into your mouth today will make you gain back all 40 pounds you've lost since October in one day. And then you'll cry a lot.

--Name Max something else. Or don't call her Max. Tired of everyone thinking that she's a boy, but then isn't that the idea of the cute short little name anyways? Ok, Maxine Jane forever it is. Ugh, that's long.

--Find an appropriate penalty for Jeremiah for leaving the t.v. on all night. Maybe it will be penalty enough when our pretty new t.v. burns out from over use. Hmph.

--Drink less coffee. Teeth are going to be yellow and unfortunately crooked for life now. Fuck. Fuck you coffee and wisdom teeth, you've made me a fucking mess.

--Find some really super nice teenager with no friends but no pent up anger from not having any friends to be Elijah's babysitter once a weekend.

--Whoops. Forgot to take that multi-vitamin my mom is insisting I take. I hate vitamins.

--Write blog post about how stupid people are and how fed up with society you are. Then gloat to Jeremiah about how awesome and insightful you are.

--Clean out the pantry you damn dirty.

--Make myself a giant blanket of luxury soft merino wool and then walk around the house all day wrapped up in it. No more cooking, can't ruin blanket.

--Read Max Llama Llama Mad at Mama a million more times before she goes to her dad's house tonight. A MILLION MORE TIMES.

--Instead of fretting over what kind of neat storage I'm going to put in the gameroom for the millions of toys and books piled up in the corner... throw them all away. All of them. Even Llama Llama Mad at Mama. Pinkilicious. One Cranky Angry Bear. chubby baby Julia. Giant basket of trucks. All 407 stuffed animals. Even the bunnies. (OK maybe not bunnies)

--Stop pinching stomach fat right now. It's not going anywhere tonight, enjoy the warmth it creates.

--Order Color Ink cartridges for the printer. Everyone hates me for being cheap. Everyone.

--Grow taller. you won't look so fat at 5'7'' instead of 5'2''.

--Look up Ben Folds tour dates. Ask Jeremiah if we can go see him again. This time cry when Jeremiah rolls his eyes. Then mope all day and sing You To Thank, The Luckiest or Gone in an annoying loud tone. LOUD, ERIN.



Typing this out is painful. The funny thing is this list took up two pages front and back in a notebook. Must have been all the doodles in between the bullets of the list. The doodles were mostly all bunnies. I love bunnies.

--Get a bunny. Put it in a crate in the corner, complain about how much it stinks and how hard it is to clean up after. Fucking disgusting bunny.

21 comments:

Logical Libby said...

I like to rub my back fat when I am trying to fall asleep. It's guilt inducing AND comforting.

And I want that blanket.

Secretia said...

You reminded me that a hundred small pieces of candy is no good for me!

Mel said...

I loved your list, and could have written a few myself. I love Ben Folds and I'm 5'2 myself, and I want to throw away all the toys too. No wonder I love this post!

Bethany said...

I like your teeth.
Gosh, could you be harder on yourself. Though you had me laughing.
I love/hate bunnies too. They shouldn't be stinky or hard to clean up after though, if you use the right litter. You can litterbox train them like cats and use wood stove pellets for the litter, it absorbs the urine great, and you just dump the box out and refill every few days, depending on how big your bunny is. Makes clean up easy and no smell. Maybe you know all this already. I hope he gets lots of hay and play time. Of course he does. I'm sorry, I'm paranoid about bunny care, volunteer at a rabbit rescue, so forgive my ramblings, please.
4o lbs is amazing by the way, congrats!
Mini candy bars are evil.

Bethany said...

I'm such an idiot! You don't have a real bunny. Sheesh. Sorry I'm such an ass. Reading quickly at work. I'm an animal freak.

Bethany said...

PS can I see your bunny doodles? now that i've embarrassed myself?

Kim said...

I've found myself absently playing my stomach like a drum various times throughout the day. I didn't even really notice until my daughter started doing it too.

Don't give up coffee, for God's sake-- have you gone mad??? Just drink it through a straw and it won't yellow your teeth.

otherworldlyone said...

I think you should get a bunny. And make it a hat with holes for it's floppy ears. And then blog about how much you hate it now that you have it.

And name it something sinister. Like Kurt.

JUST ME said...

that's a fantastic list. I like the one about the weekend babysitter.

Watching 48 hours before I go to bed always makes me certain I'm going to be kidnapped in the middle of the night.

Tony said...

I read an article not too long ago saying that multivitamins don't really do as much as we think they do. I can't remember if it was a legit article or not, so for now, you should continue to take those multivitamins.

I've been grabbing chunks of my stomach fat lately, and I pretend to tear the fat off, and I throw my imaginary torn off fat at Merkin's boobs. Fun fact of the day.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

You're down 40!!? FORTY??! Holy crap, last I heard it was 28! Congratulations, Erin. Seriously, do you ever just sit back and admire that number? Think about when other people tell you they've lost 40 pounds, and how impressive that sounds. Do you even get how awesome that is??

erin said...

Libby: I don't get the comforting part, I just get the 'I'm obsessing and feeling nauseous' part.

Secretia: Mmmm candy.

Mel: We're like twins. Except different.

bethany: I have teeth only a mother could love, and not my mother, either.

Kim: Actually giving up coffee would be suicide. I no longer drink two whole pots a day though, I'm done to one. Yay me.

Aly: That's SOOOO funny that you say that cause I have made stuffed bunnies with little hats with hole for their ears...named...Kurt.

Me: 48 Hrs makes me look out the window all night long. Like peering into the mean streets.

Tony:I guess I don't like taking them cause everyone (everyone=my parents) says I should be taking them since I don't eat meat or drink milk (just skim milk in my coffee)...and I'm just too much of a rebel to listen. Hells yeah.

Beckerino: I was having a horrible day until I read this comment. Further cementing why I almost love you, but not really.

Nanc Twop said...

-Name Max something else

How about 'Maxi', 'Maxie', or 'Maxieeeee' when you're mad?

*knows firsthand that making lists at night does make for interesting reading in the morning...

;-)

Ally said...

I'm so jealous of you for losing 40 pounds. I wish I could do that. You have will power for just eating 3 bite size candies. I could eat an entire bag in a sitting.

Mwa said...

I have two of those Snickers bars sitting in my handbag, but they're my son's. Torture!

Sam said...

"No more cooking; can't ruin blanket." What a great motto! Also, FORTY POUNDS??? You rock. And look cheek-bone-sucked-in gorgeous in the latest photos.

I'm so proud to have you as a sister. :)

Amanda said...

Bite size candy is the DEVIL!!! I'ts all, "Oh, just eat one. It'll be OK."

Madame DeFarge said...

Impressive list. Mine is usually much shorter and consists of reminders to do stuff at work. Nowhere near so exciting.

kara said...

i don't understand such a love for bunnies. they have no personality. i'd get a bunny if it occasionally acted like woody allen.

i'm afraid the odds are against me on that one.

Vic said...

I've lost forty pounds too! Okay, not really, just the same four pounds ten different times.
Sigh.

I loved your list - (and also Woo Hoo!! I'm so impressed by what you accomplished! The snack bars continue to call me..)

Will you still talk to me if I admit I don't think I've every heard a Ben Folds song?

Unknown Mami said...

Just get an imaginary bunny.

40 lbs?! Well done.