I don’t talk about sex often on this blog so here is a big big warning to anyone reading on:
IF YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR ME TALK ABOUT SEX OR IF THIS IS GOING TO MAKE CONVERSATION UNCOMFORTABLE LATER ON, PLEASE STOP READING NOW.
FOR BOTH OF OUR SAKES.
Did you ever see a couple that you couldn’t imagine having sex?
Like the guy looks like Elmer Fudd and the girl looks like Carrot Top?
A couple walks by you and all you can think is how it’s possible for him to mount her because of the giant man boobs that hang down past his waist? What do you do with those things? Swing them aside for easier insertion?
The thing about those couples out there is that they’re probably having the hottest best sex ever in the history of the world. So much so that they’re putting us all to shame.
Every night we’re all tired from working or kids and maybe we’re not all that hot. BUT we’re exponentially still better looking than some of the unfortunates out there.
You get into your jammies, watch t.v. or a movie with your partner…how many times out of ten do you guys bone like there’s no tomorrow?
I love love love love sex, but sometimes there’s nothing sexy about hearing the baby yelling for you as you're working your way to an awesome orgasm. Then after you wash your hands (yes, I said it) and check on crying baby…you find out he’s crying cause he has a poopy diaper. Ga-reat. That does a lot for me. Poop and Babies. So hot.
Or the woman doesn’t want to be on top cause her belly isn’t flat anymore. The dude doesn’t want to go down on his chick cause he’s tired from working all day.
But those ugly people are lucky to get it ever. EVER. So you know that every chance they get they’re going to busy town, screwing like bunnies.
It’s like doing one of those Jillian Michaels (trainer from the Biggest Loser) workouts. She’s yelling at you over and over again with this kind of manly voice and her face is pissed off and strained and she's screaming:
“350 pound people are kicking ass at this workout and you’re slacking!"
"GET OFF YOUR ASS”
And that’s my advice to you, people out there.
Get on with it and fuck like there’s no tomorrow. There are super duper ugly people coming (cumming?) left and right at this very moment. Don’t let them put us to shame.