Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Being a Woman

I've been dieting, trying to work out healthy alternatives to my inclination to just not eat and just generally feeling down in the dumps about my appearance. This too will pass but sometimes it helps to write things out.
An exercise in self-exploration.

I am a woman.
I love being a woman.

I like the space around my waist where it begins to curve out into my hips.
I like my small feet.
I like the way my shoulders look when I’m topless.
I like the way my lips look with pink gloss on them, the same pink gloss that I’ve been wearing since I was 12.

I like having the door held open for me.
I like when Jeremiah puts his hand on the small of my back while we’re walking.
I like the weight of his body behind me, on top of me, beside me.

I like that my voice is light and girly.
I like that I’m my daddy’s girl.
I like that my mom and I can talk about being a mom and what to cook for dinner.

I like carrying my babies in my womb for months and months, having them all to myself.
I like bringing them into the world to meet their family, the people that already love them.
I like holding them to my breast and feeding them from my own body.

But

I hate being talked down to because my voice is light and girly.
I hate not being able to find adult sneakers because my feet are so small.
I hate that I can’t eat whatever I want whenever I want it.

I hate that my parents think I can’t handle things on my own.
I hate the medical community handling me like a child during my pregnancies and labors.
I hate that some men assume that I am manipulative just because I have boobs and a cunt.

And in the end, the pros greatly outweigh the cons.

Tonight when I wash my face before bed I’ll look in the mirror and be glad that my face is so feminine.
I’ll go into each of my children’s rooms and check on them.
I’ll be glad that I’m their mother, the only mother they’ll ever have.
I’ll go to bed with Jeremiah and be glad for the smell of him, the weight of him, the fact that I don’t have to carry his masculinity on my shoulders as he does on his.
I’ll fall asleep and have dreams of lovely books I have read, colors that I love, nightmares that haunt me.
I might wake up weeping softly, and even then I'll be glad that I can weep openly and freely…

Because I am a woman.

18 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Well said. And i, for one, am glad you're a woman as well.

Logical Libby said...

I do wish there were days I could take a break from being a woman. Not that I want a penis, I just want to be neutral for a day.

Sunshinemeg said...

What a beautiful post, my friend. Very classy. Enjoyed reading this.

michelle said...

This is wonderful. It makes me feel appreciative and warm and cuddly. Thanks

Ms. Moon said...

We get to create life. Out of our own bodies. This alone makes it all worthwhile.

erin said...

@Dr.: I'm glad you're glad that I'm glad.

@Libbsterino: I don't want a penis either...can you imagine? What a pain...

@Meg: Thank You very much.

@Michelle: Thanks, alot of feel good posts out there today, your included.

@Ms. Moon: I agree...of course I do!

The Peach Tart said...

This was beautiful. I love being a woman too.

Carrie said...

Beautiful. :-)

ladytruth said...

This is my favorite post I have read so far because it embodies everything we all stand for. It's not always easy being a woman, true, but it's damn great when you are comfortable enough to admit it and still be happy being one. I LOVE everything about this post :)

Mwa said...

Very well put. I struggle with a lot of that (except the feet - mine are HUGE) and reading that touched me.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I think it's harder to be a woman than it would be to be a man.
The cons on your list are wonderful!

I too love being a woman.

Hugs!!

John Pender said...

You said the C word!

kara said...

you need to hand this post to peggy lee and make her sing it.

Unknown Mami said...

Phenomenal woman!

Petit fleur said...

Good one.

I do have something rather silly to report... I was just in JC Penny's and I'll tell you what, the kids shoes were WAY cooler than the adult shoes! I swear I was thinking that while I was perusing the shoe section and feeling a bit pissy about it too I might add!

And besides, they're cheaper! Maybe you're shopping in the wrong stores?? hee! That last part was a joke, but the rest, I swear is true.

otherworldlyone said...

I liked this a lot.

Alicia (aka Dr. Mom) said...

LOVE this post :) excellent! i love all that about being a woman too :). though i could do without the waxing and monthly cramps.

Old Knudsen said...

I like this, it applies to many and I can think of more reasons to like being a woman than a man ......... not that I want to be a woman though I did once dress ach never you mind.