I received an email from a online friend today that mentioned I am 'conspicuously absent' from the 'World of The Interwebs' as of late. Which is sad and funny at the same time, considering I did post just this Friday, July 9th.
Oddly enough her email hit the nail on the head (or is it coffin? Am I that morbid?). I am in a bit of a rut. I'm not prone to depression, but the last few days I can feel a malaise coming on.
I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that the girls are on vacation with their Dad this week. They won't be back until Monday, which means I will be without 75% of my children for 10 whole days. We're on Day Four. Elijah is lonely and that doesn't help my melancholy much. Jeremiah is at work everyday and I have been fairly busy with orders (I know it's summer but be thinking of your winter custom orders now! See a list of previous orders on the right side of this page. The earlier you order, the cheaper! Contact me at email@example.com) and my new job writing at CrochetSpot.
Of course the busier I am, the more lonely Elijah becomes, the sadder I continue to get.
This mood has led me back to old habits and has really begun to effect me. I'm rambling when talking, I sit down more, eat more and feel much more unmotivated than is usual for pretty active me. I got books from the library and have been reading for hours at a time. Despite all of my instincts trying to keep me from doing so, I watched Wisconsin Death Trip for the millionth time early this morning after Jeremiah went to work. Bad idea.
The music gets a little louder. I feel a little bit uglier.
I think a lot about the people in my life who suffer from chemical imbalances and have to be medicated for it. That makes me even more upset.
Will it turn out that one of these days one of my 'moods' won't be so easy to come out of? Will I start hearing things? Will I have panic attacks and severe social traumas?
I look out the window waiting for the smile to cross my lips in response to the sun peaking elegantly through the cloudy sky. Nothing comes.
Might as well kick myself out of this malaise and into that peaking sunshine before I'm not able to.
I'll let you know when I start hearing voices...
**UPDATED TWO HOURS LATER**
I feel better.