Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Hearing Voices

I received an email from a online friend today that mentioned I am 'conspicuously absent' from the 'World of The Interwebs' as of late. Which is sad and funny at the same time, considering I did post just this Friday, July 9th.

Oddly enough her email hit the nail on the head (or is it coffin? Am I that morbid?). I am in a bit of a rut. I'm not prone to depression, but the last few days I can feel a malaise coming on.

I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that the girls are on vacation with their Dad this week. They won't be back until Monday, which means I will be without 75% of my children for 10 whole days. We're on Day Four. Elijah is lonely and that doesn't help my melancholy much. Jeremiah is at work everyday and I have been fairly busy with orders (I know it's summer but be thinking of your winter custom orders now! See a list of previous orders on the right side of this page. The earlier you order, the cheaper! Contact me at oliverosetree@yahoo.com) and my new job writing at CrochetSpot.

Of course the busier I am, the more lonely Elijah becomes, the sadder I continue to get.

This mood has led me back to old habits and has really begun to effect me. I'm rambling when talking, I sit down more, eat more and feel much more unmotivated than is usual for pretty active me. I got books from the library and have been reading for hours at a time. Despite all of my instincts trying to keep me from doing so, I watched Wisconsin Death Trip for the millionth time early this morning after Jeremiah went to work. Bad idea.

The music gets a little louder. I feel a little bit uglier.

I think a lot about the people in my life who suffer from chemical imbalances and have to be medicated for it. That makes me even more upset.

Will it turn out that one of these days one of my 'moods' won't be so easy to come out of? Will I start hearing things? Will I have panic attacks and severe social traumas?

I look out the window waiting for the smile to cross my lips in response to the sun peaking elegantly through the cloudy sky. Nothing comes.

Might as well kick myself out of this malaise and into that peaking sunshine before I'm not able to.

I'll let you know when I start hearing voices...

**UPDATED TWO HOURS LATER**

I feel better.

12 comments:

liz woodbury said...

feel better, erin. i've been down too -- maybe we can blame the alignment of the planets or something.

Sue (Someone's Mom) said...

Glad you are feeling better. I'm one of those people who has taken meds for panic/anxiety for many, many years. You'd probably know by now if that was going to happen...but, if it ever does...it isn't the end of the world. More than likely, you are having a case of the mommy blues.

Little Girl Big Glasses said...

I get like that too when I'm alone too much. Even though I'm a huge introvert and crave alone-time, after awhile I can tell it zaps all the go-gettum out of me. Make yourself go outside! Crochet in the park while Elijah plays - the sunshine will make you both happy. Feel better.

Deidra said...

Loneliness is the worst emotion ever created. I get in a funk sometimes too when I don't have enough people around me. Glad to hear you feel better!

Missy said...

I am the opposite. I am longing to be alone. I suffer from panic attacks. They are not pretty...
Hope you stay feeling better!

Mwa said...

I hear you - husband STILL at work at half past nine in the evening and two children back from a sleepover. I hope you manage to keep away some of the demons.

Ms. Moon said...

Ah- I just spent all day yesterday studying mindfulness and that philosophy is not to trip out on the fear of something which might not happen and not to get too involved with your emotions. Feel them, study them, don't judge them. Let them go.
Yeah.
We'll see how that works out.
You could try it, though!

Jules said...

*Kisses* Take care of you!!!!

Logical Libby said...

There must be something in the cosmos. I haven't wanted to blog, or talk, or do anything but watch re-runs of "Arrested Development."

I think we'll all come out of it though...

Sam said...

I totally relate. Some days I'm just like that, and two hours later I feel better.

I'm glad there was a happy ending. :)

mylittlebecky said...

panic attacks aren't *that* bad... this summer is being a bummer and i can't quite put my finger on it.

Ally said...

I've been feeling this way too, I'm glad to see you are feeling better, but I'm finding it harder to keep up with my blog or focus on things. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. There are hot,hot days that I don't even want to get dressed after showering. I hate admitting that "out loud" :(