Friday, April 9, 2010

All I've Ever Wanted (Not Cocaine Related Orgies)

My birthday is coming very soon and Jeremiah keeps asking me what I want from him.

I have a strange idea about gifts. If you have to ask me what I want, I don't want anything from you. I think a gift should be something picked out by the gifting individual especially from the giftee. Something thoughtful that shows not only did you spend money on someone, you also thought about that person long enough to pick out something special to make them happy.

The money doesn't matter, to me at least. Does that make any sense?

But of course, I did think about what I would like to get for my birthday. Remember when we were little kids and we got 20 presents on our birthdays?

Okay. Maybe I was just ridiculously spoiled, but you get my point.

So I gave it some thought and when I started to come up with things that I want 90% of it was either unreasonable OR for my kids.

I want a super cool superhero cape for Elijah. He calls himself "Bah-mad" (Batman), furrows his adorable brow and insists on having blankets tied around his neck at all times. I made him a 'cape' out of a pillowcase, but it is already torn and looked ragged in the first place.



I want vinyl paintings and decals all over my house. Ones like this:

Or this:

Or this:


I want all the furniture and accoutrement very streamlined and stark but then POW some graphic awesomeness on one wall. And the BAM some freaking startlingly bright design on another wall.

I want a new Mazda5, preferably in red. This falls under the category of 'unreasonable'.

I want a new baby so he/she can wear this all of the time:

also 'unreasonable' and 'impossible'.

Oh! I'd like my room decorated in whites and reds and khakis and prints from HideNSeek

in neat little black frames on the walls.

I'd like to get each of the kids a bunny from Zygopsyche


and one for each from Morning Glori


I'd like two whole days and two whole nights alone with Jeremiah. More time than that and I'd start to miss the kids, in order of their ages. Elijah first, because he's my baby and I don't have to share him. Next Max, cause she's my buddy and gives me a challenge (kills time). Then Olivia, cause she's a redhead and my comic relief. And finally I'd miss Rose...her lastly because she's 9 and way too busy for the likes of boring Momma's like me. So I let her be. Someday she'll come back to me. Hopefully it's not because she's knocked up at 15. Or arrested for cocaine possession.

Speaking of cocaine possession...I'll be writing sections about my wasted youth coming soon. Little snippets about what a horrid, insipid, ridiculous little brat I was. And how and why I changed into the not horrid, insipid, ridiculous almost 29 year old I am today.

Oh and I've never done cocaine. So if you were looking forward to stories about coke related sex orgies, look elsewhere you Pervert!

27 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

I think you should get the two nights away with your lover-man. That's what I think.

ROSIE said...

I love the vinyl paintings and decals. I also think you should go with the alone time with your man idea.
I so totally was looking forward to coke relates sex stories. Oh well.
BTW Happy B-day!

Salt said...

I love all those things. Especially the stuffed animals, but I want them for me.

We have wall decals of bamboo in our dining room and I love them! They really snazz up your space.

Happy birthday!!

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I've never done cocaine either!! Seriously, we're like besties already, huh?

Gonna go click on that vinyl decals thing. I have a very stark wall in need of bedazzling.

Tony said...

You're just like Merkin. Once you ask her what she wants, she gets all butt hurt and says, "Well, I don't WANT anything from you, because you're just asking me what I want because you feel obligated to get me something! Don't even bother!"

Women.

And for a second, I was getting really excited thinking that someone else was going to share a coke related story in the blogging world, and that it was getting really lonely that I have yet to read another blog that talks about how they used to snort coke other than mine. Dang it!

erin said...

Ms. Moon- I think that as well, the chances of it actually happening...slim.

Rosie- Thanks. My birthday is the 16th so you can come back then and say it again. ;)

Salty- I love the onsie t-shirt the best. I wonder if the shop can make me an adult size one...for free. ha.

Beckerino- I have a hard time believing you've never done coke. Ha. I couldn't say that with a straight face.

Tony- I have some coke related stories, they just don't involve me doing the coke. Maybe I'll share them with you just to make you feel better. Anything for you kiddo.

miss. chief said...

ooh I love that jellyfish decal!!!

I *have* done cocaine and this was my experience in a nutshell:

OMG I'M SO COOL gonna do some drugs
WHEEEEEEE SO HIGH (for like 20 mins)
Hm, coming down
More more moremoremoremore
Actually it's too expensive
Drug dealers are scary
Maybe I'll go home
SUPERFUNWALKHOME
Home...now what? Bed?
CAN'T SLEEP
FEEL DISGUSTING
NOT FUN
REGRET
STILL CAN'T SLEEP
AAAH I WANT TO SLEEEEEP
MORE REGRET
finally pass out
(next day) "that was totally not worth it. and I spent like a hundred and fifty bucks. Lame. I'm very stupid and will never do that again"

Every time it's a variation on this.

Logical Libby said...

So, wait, are we voting? I say the two days away and Jeremiah has to wear nothing but a cape.

erin said...

Missy Poo Hoo: That experience seems to be the same one everyone tells about coke. Why do it again then? Who knows.

Libby: We weren't voting, but I totally vote for that now as well. Maybe we can tell him I'll win something if he does it. hmmm...

Sam said...

Okay, when I first saw that onesie photo I was like "Oh, be still my heart...they've started making adult onesies...my prayers are answered!"

Sam said...

P.S. Never tried cocaine, even though it was everywhere I looked in the '80s. I was like, I already have bad sinuses, I need worse?

April said...

Love it! And your idea about gifts isn't so strange. I share it.

Jules said...

How much are Mazda 5s?

Angela Christensen said...

Presents should indeed just come from people who want to give them to you, because they seem perfect for you. I have a feeling Jeremiah be prepared when the time comes.

Did I tell you about my friend Bob's son Max, who believes the Dynamic Duo to consist of Batman and Ruben? So close, as Bob said, and yet, so far. So the "capes only" idea might be a good one.

Mostly, have fun and count your lovely blessings. Oh, and happy birthday!
Love, love!

Ashley. Unscripted... said...

Love the vinyls.

And you should DEFINITELY get the time away with your man.

Happy birthday!@

Pris said...

HI Erin
Your link I had no longer worked. Found you in comments on Maggie May's blog. Good to see you again and a great post! No orgies, eh-)

Colleen said...

Thanks for the Ben Folds Five onesie suggestion!

marcia furman said...

I seriously /just/ ordered from HideNSeek a few days ago! She was having a sale! AH!

And I love those wall graphics . . . I can't personally have them because a most of my walls are covered with paintings and/or the walls are painted paneling. *sigh* that would look great in your house though!

Ally said...

I like the two nights alone with the man thing. Go for it!


Visit me at FourthGradeNothing.com

Prosy said...

I wish it was still acceptable to make lists of desired presents and distribute them to family and friends like we did when we were little. For some reason every year my mom buys me tons of underwear in different sizes ranging from small to extra large (I don't know why) and knick-knacks. I just want gift cards!

Nanc Twop said...

I hope you get your 2-day wish.

And here's a b-day cake I picked out for you - but they're so hard to mail... (its the thought that counts, tho, right? ;-)

Have a great day!

mylittlebecky said...

i feel almost exACTly the same way about birthday gifts. i'm sure it's super frustrating for chuck. meh, whatevs.

i LOVE decals but i dunno if my walls can pull off that look. also, HAPPY ALMOST BIRTHDAY!

April said...

@ Prosy- Ha! My family still does that. It bugs the snot out of me.

otherworldlyone said...

I feel the same way about presents. However, even the most loving partner or relative (who KNOWS you and knows what you like) can eff that up and give you a glass tray with chintzy silver handles and accessories because it "looks like you". Really? I think my middle finger looks like you.

I hope he gets you something really awesome for your birthday.

Definitely looking forward to these "bad Erin" stories.

Kim said...

My walls desperately need a makeover too. But I always end up spending the money and time on the kids.

Oh, and the cocaine related orgies.

Powdered Toast Man said...

damn, I WAS hoping for cocaine related sex stories. Why do you think I read your blog?

Birthdays are not the same when you are older. Ahhh to be young again.

Mwa said...

Go for a dirty weekend!

I have given up on "surprise" presents. It's like setting myself up for disappointment. Babes gets told exactly what I want, and when I want it. Everyone is happier in the end.