Erin's Guide To Romance

Are there things out there in this world that are totally and completely romantic and excellent to you, but it seems like no one else gets it?

I'll give you some examples:

The Labyrinth! I have seen this movie so many times it's out of control. It was my favorite when I was younger and then since I've been an adult I've forced my children to watch it over and over again and then annoyed them thoroughly while I talked along with all the dialogue and sang along with all of the songs.



Ok Ok, I know everybody loves Star Wars. The only two things I cared about watching Star Wars as a kid were
#1: THE EWOKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know people act like they hate these little suckers, but COME ON! We all know that everyone wanted one as a pet and best friend, to live in our houses with us and go to school with us and cuddle with us in our beds.

and

#2: Princess Leia and Hans Solo living happily every after. Every time Luke and Leia were on the screen together I cringed because I knew there was something not right with those two! SISTER LOVER!!!!
Everyone probably knows what scene is coming up



I watched Moulin Rouge over and over again when I was pregnant with Olivia. I used to sing her the whole movie while she was in my tummy. I know I'm a total girl but everytime I hear this song I get a little weepy. I used this clip cause I was engrossed with the Swedish subtitles. I bet Swedish is killer to try to learn.

Biking is For Dorks Too!

This weekend Jeremiah and I met his mother, Grandma T (we started referring to her by this name after coming up with the phrase, "I pity the fool that messes with Grandma T!"...her first name obviously starts with a 'T' in case you were confused FATTY MCPUPPERSON!!! I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!) at a trail about an hour north of us.
I was all prepared to hate being out in the 'wilderness' but it was so breaktakingly beautiful the anxiety of being around bugs, animals and heights didn't even faze me.

What did faze me was the idea that I was going on a bike trek with Jeremiah and Grandma T, both seasoned and tough bike riders. Grandma T rides every week and has gone on super duper, unbelievably long bike expeditions, and Jeremiah was a bike messenger in Pittsburgh for a couple years. If he can ride all over Pittsburgh for eight to ten hours a bike trail isn't going to bother him one little bit.

Also, I had the super heavy beach cruiser with my giant baby on the back of it. Grandma T graciously switched with me for a bit, but I felt like the child I brought into this world was my burden to bear biking style...so I wanted to persevere although my legs felt like jelly and I was covered in more sweat than the ubiquitous whore in church.

So, we go down the trail and to Grandma T's credit, it was very flat and incredibly scenic. We pass the two mile marker and I think, "Two Plus Two equals Four..." we pass the 3 mile marker and Grandma T starts to talk about some trail that is much higher up and you have to go up some crazy steps to get up to it...I'm barely listening cause I'm thinking there's no way I can handle much more biking today. She says that trail is coming up soon though, so I thought the least I could do was try, or look like a candy ass whiner.

At Five Miles we reach the bottom of the steps to go to the second trail...we get up the high steps with the baby and the bikes and at the top it's just amazing. We're on this way high up bridge and the whole Allegheny River is stretched out before us. It was enough that Grandma T said there were many more bridges to come on the trail to entice me to ride another mile. We end up riding 4.5 miles (Grandma T took a turn riding with Elijah) and I was so beat I felt a little delirious. I didn't help that Jeremiah hadn't even broken a sweat and looked super cute and composed still. I was a mess and still can't believe I made it back to our car in one piece, let alone able to walk and talk.
And now onto the photos of the beautiful bike trail and said Mess!

Significantly Boring Sunday (with photos!)

I snapped these photos of Liv (and Max) to capture what Olivia's hair looks like when she goes to bed with wet hair. I had to spray it with the anti-frizz stuff just to get it into two pigtails instead of four or five.



Elijah has multiple personalities, obviously. I'm trying to remember what he was trying to get from me making that frowny face in the second photo. I know that in the first he was laughing at Olivia's BumbleBee* song.


*Bringing Home my baby BumbleBee
Won't My Momma be so proud of me
I'm Bringing home my baby Bumble..
Ouch It STUNG ME!
I'm Smooshing Up my baby BumbleBee
Won't My Momma be so proud of me
I'm smooshing up my baby Bumble...
Ohhhh I'm all sticky!
I'm licking up my baby Bumblebee
Won't My Momma be so proud of me
I'm licking up my baby Bumble...
Yuckkkk I'm feeling sick
I'm Puking up my baby Bumblebee
Won't My Momma be so proud of me
I'm Puking up my baby Bumble...
OHHHH what a MESS!
I'm Cleaning up my baby Bumblebee
Won't My Momma be so proud of me
I'm Cleaning up my baby BumbleBee!
ALL CLEAN!!!!!!

My Banner Waits In The Van

You may or may not have noticed that I have a new banner up there! My friend made me a few and I'm trying this one out. I think I look like a total dweeb, but I always think I look weird or silly in photos, so I can't judge.

What do you think?

In other news...

My daughters are going on 'vacation' with their dad. We both get two ten day 'vacations' during the summer, which is cool cause he gets weekdays that he usually wouldn't get and I get a couple weekends!!!
The downside to this arrangement is that Elijah doesn't get to see his sisters for ten days and that I have to find ways to keep him active and happy in the interim. I know that it's been only six years since I've had an only child...but it seems like a daunting task!

I'll have so much time with him in the next ten days that his sisters will come back and he'll be able to read, tap dance and luge. You all know what luging is! Don't act like you don't. It's very popular in Western PA, don't you know?

And if you have read down this far through all of my nonsense and drivel, you deserve a prize!
Go read my 'friend'* Kristine's blog. She's funny and really needs alot more attention than I can supply. She's one of 'those' people...you know. Just smile, read her blog and give her a comment. That and the meds are all she needs to get by...and money...and a unopened bag of jelly beans to molest...and cats (which is strange).

*I always put parentheses around 'friend' in blog world because it's really all a popularity contest and I don't want to assume that anyone is actually my real friend...cause they'll cut me.
Wait, that doesn't sound right saying it like that. "I'll cut you!" sounds right, but "They'll cut me" sounds all wrong....WHY!

Throw Up Thursday!

Instant Karma just gave Olivia a big smack in the ass cause today she has a stomach ache. I have a message for whoever is in charge of karma:

Please dispense punishments that only punish the child, not the mother also. I didn't hide the garsh darn keys. Now I feel guilty...I'll have to go and lay with her all day and read to her, the other kids will have to fend for themselves.


So in honor of Throw Up Thursday here are a few funny photos of Jeremiah. He won't notice this post until later in the evening, or very possibly not till tomorrow night!
Then he'll yell "Erin! What the F!?!???" super loud and come at me and act like he's all mad, but really he thinks I'm incredibly cute. He might even kiss me a bunch and smile all giant at me all night.

Or he won't talk to me.

Hmmm...should I reconsider this post?

Devil's Minion or Angel Baby?

My daughter Olivia is showing signs of blatant satanic possession...

She's oddly Anti-Fat, not caring if she's hurting feelings or just being a total mini-jerk.

Then to top this new super bad-kid attitude, she pulls super mean trick on her paternal grandmother, who cares for her every Monday at her dad's house...

...follow me, dear reader, into Olivia's world:

My three daughter's stay at their dad's house every Friday-Sunday night and come home to Jeremiah and I on Monday evening. We go to pick up Olivia and Max at their dad's house Monday and Max informs us that Olivia got in some weally big twouble. Olive is usually very quiet when she gets in trouble, silently brooding for a while, so I didn't think of interrogating her about what she did to get in 'really big trouble'. It doesn't really matter much what she did to get into this trouble, just suffice to say she was up shit crick without a paddle with her grandma.

When we got home there was a message from the girls' grandma on the phone. Her keys were missing and she thinks Olivia or Max did something with them. Can I ask them and call her back. Both girls barely acknowledge my questioning, both sure they have no idea where the keys are. I called the grandma back, informed her of this and though she was sure one of them had done something with them, we left it at that.

Their dad calls a half hour later, asks to talk to the girls, gets the same response. I talk to them again, neither one has any idea where they are...but lo an behold now Olivia suddenly remembers seeing them...

"somewhere, mom..."

but she has no idea where, nor did she touch them.

"Olivia, are you sure?"

"YEP SURE MOMMA." She even strokes my face and smiles. What a sweet girl!

Another half hour later their dad calls again. " I really don't want to bother you again Erin, but my mom can't find her keys anywhere. She's sure that one of the girls did something with them, can I talk to Max again?"

(Of course Max is at fault, poor misunderstood Max...)

This time he doesn't even talk to Olive. It's after I hang up the phone that she is finally looking worried.

"Olivia, your grandma has been looking for her keys now at your dad's house for an hour and a half! I'm sure she has to go home to feed her cat!" (Olivia might hate fats, but she loves cats)

"Okay Momma. They're behind Rose's bed."

I made her call her dad and tell him. She listened without any emotion on her face, apologized and hung up. The consensus is that she was mad at getting time out so she hid her grandma's keys...

AND EVERYONE'S 'OKAY' WITH THAT???

Don't Call it A Comeback!

Dear Miss Trodo...You Filthy Dork Wanna Be,

I say Filthy Dork Wanna Be in place of Filthy Whore because I want my response to your open letter to be snarky but not down right offensive. And also because I don't know if you're dirty or slutty but I do know that you are totally a Dork Wanna Be, so let's leave it at that.

First off, animals are gross. And now that we've established that simple fact get this: Porn-Star Dogs take the cake in the grossness factor cake competition... I don't want to go into how yucky even talking about Dogs and Porn in the same mini-paragraph has made me feel.
I need to go to my safe place.

BUT FIRST!

I don't see anything wrong with sending my children to school in cat skins. Have you ever seen how many stray cats there are!?? They can be put to good use...and through that avenue my skills as a hunter/animal hide tanner/seamstress come quite in handy!

Regarding a free hat, I would be more than happy to send you one! Send me your address and I'll work up that ultra-cute hat and scarf set right away and get it out to you as soon as humanly possible. When you get the package and it smells alarmingly like dead animal, please ignore the smell rip open the package to recieve your tanned cat skin toga...

I mean adorable handmade hat/scarf set.

Love,
Dorky Erin

P.S. The new Panic Room open letter was nowhere as tongue in cheek as the open letter to me! You're kissing his blog ass! Shameless.