After shopping Jeremiah and I usually cruise down the line of cashiers looking for what we hope will be a quick and generally comfortable check out experience. We have some criteria:
1):Old ladies are too slow and often make comments about our appearance or what we are buying. "Oh dear, you don't want to buy the red onions! One giant red onion is the same price as one BAG of little yellow onions!" "Are you sure you want to buy this gogurt!? There is an in store coupon for the large jug of plain vanilla yogurt, might be healthier for these little kids! Less sugar!"
2):Middle aged ladies might be faster than old ladies but it seems like every single one we get at the check out is suffering from recent 'empty nest syndrome' and completely and totally over-dotes on Elijah. It happens so often it's almost creepy. I'm not talking about a nice comment about how cute he is. "Oh my gosh look at this little angel! Just like my Jesse at that age, what is he? About three!?? Are you three honey? Oh my! I wonder if he'd scream if I tried to pick him up?! Is he a shy boy?" And something like this has happened to us more than once.
3): Bitchy, Eye-Rolling Teens are preferable over the previous two groups, but also the most unforgivable. I mean, you're working four hour shifts, you still get to go out and drive around aimlessly with your friends after work, go to the movies without having to take a toddler to the bathroom to 'poop' five times, your mom probably still makes your food, you don't have to work out three times a week and wear underwire, super-shaper bras. Just be fucking nice to me and don't roll your eyes at each coupon I give you. And when I say 'thanks, have a nice day', do not, I warn you, do not, roll your eyes at me again.
We have found that all in all out going super nerdy college students are the best cashiers. Or the mentally challenged ones. Except for the one guy who always tries to touch my boobs.
At least he doesn't roll his eyes at me.
This weekend we did some quick shopping for the week and went to two stores in an attempt to be more budget conscious. The second store we went to was unfortunately, The Walmart. There were three things there that are much cheaper there that our family MUST HAVE: the only type of cottage cheese Maxine will eat, but also one of the only things she'll eat, which makes it worth going out of our way to get. Cheap generic pull-ups. Despite my strongest and most mother-of-the-year-worthy efforts, Max is the last standing nighttime bed wetter. At least she isn't still shitting her pants, I doubt her Kindergarten teacher would appreciate that. Green Tea gingerale, Jeremiah's favorite drink, which is $1.20 cheaper (12 pack cans) at walmart than at other places.
As soon as we enter the mammoth halogen lighted complex we instantly regret our decision to go there, cheaper or not. I've told you about my experiences at Walmart before, you'd think I would have learned my lesson. Finally we're checking out at walmart and the speedy check out girl is a very slight, skinny girl with gauged ears and an adorable pixie do. Because I assume I'm still young and cool I joke with her while she's checking us out, and the most awkward moment ensues:
She reaches up and takes the gingerale off of me to ring it up, accidentally brushes my face. I look at Jeremiah and say loudly, "Do you see that J? She's trying to touch my face!?" like that's funny at all? I don't know why I'm even allowed to speak.
She looks at me oddly and I laugh and say, 'Sorry...just messing around." and she puts her head down, and says to the ground, "I don't have much of a sense of humor when it's this busy. No time."
Which means I've not just embarrassed her, I've also gone too slow at the check out. One of my biggest pet peeves.
Jeremiah is also embarrassed and while paying apologizes for me.
So a shout out to that random cashier girl. I didn't mean to be creepy, strange, or hold up your line.