This post was inspired by the Studio Thirty Plus Magazine Post: All About the 30+ Men by Neilochka. I've also been thinking a lot about censorship and what I should and should not publish on my blog. I reread this post and decided it was a honest and not inflammatory account of my relationship with porn. If you don't want to read about my sex life or read me talking about sex, just don't read this post. Thanks.
Growing up I had mostly all guy friends, so porn was essentially as much a part of my life as it was theirs. Just not in the same way.
I didn’t feel aroused or excited by seeing big fake tits, spread eagle thighs and gaping pee holes. Does that surprise you?
Well, it shouldn’t. I was instantly numb to it all and finally after a few times of shoving a playboy in my face or ‘accidentally’ turning on some D quality porn starring a woman old enough to be our mother, my friends finally gave up trying to shock me and I became even more so then before: one of the guys. Except with banging curves. And much nicer skin. And the squeaky annoying voice was a real ‘girl’ give-away.
Even older and actually engaged in sexual activity I was still bored, for the most part. It was always ‘What do you want me to do?” and “What turns you on?” turning what should be an intimate moment into a light conversation. Looking back on my sexual life before Jeremiah I can’t believe I ever even did it, it all seems like a strange blur, like a thumb smear on the side of a transparency. Sometimes that blur morphs and comes to life, but it's like I’m watching a playback of another person having sex. Someone I don't like that much.
When Jeremiah and I are intimate we’re actually intimate, we do things to each other without talking about it in the moment. We talk about sex so much at other points of our lives, over dinner, on car rides, during movies (bad habit) and often in the morning while he’s getting ready for work. I text him dirty talk at work, sometimes dirty photos, we have dirty mouths and we like to share with each other dirtily.
But when it comes down to business, we’re all business.
So the other day when I accidentally clicked on a porn site (not kidding, really did accidentally click on it) I was all of the sudden brimming with excitement over something not Jeremiah related. There are kids in my house at all times, so I quickly clicked it off, but I just kept thinking about it and thinking about it.
Then I’d cook dinner and think about it some more.
Then I’d put the kids to bed and think about it some more. I wasn’t really horny per se, just thinking about the porn. It was like I couldn’t get it out of my head. I started to get what all those boys and men in my life that I scoffed at were so interested in.
And so at that moment I changed my mind about porn. Maybe it could be interesting and exciting.
So porn, you’re all right by me.
But if I ever catch you with Jeremiah when I’m not 1)sleeping 2)puking 3)feverish 4)menstruating, I’ll never talk to you ever again.
12 comments:
Despite my post, I think porn can actually be quite dangerous for some men. Most of it is exploitative, both of men and women, and exists merely to make a buck. It also can give us unrealistic expectations about women and sex, and like Twitter, it can take us away from appreciating real life. That said, it is a pretty natural instinct to be interested in that sort of stuff, even when most of it is just plain stupid. There is a whole lot of difference between Playboy and the explicit things you can now easily find on the internet. In some ways, the ease of seeing the stuff makes it more boring.
There's a time and place for everything and porn can definitely fill a need every now and then. I think it's useful in terms of getting aroused and getting ideas for later, but I also think that men (or women, as is often the case) who are too dependent on porn can lose sight of reality. It's like Neil said: it can take away from what's going on in the everyday life.
But I think a healthy fascination with porn is never a bad thing either :) Great post!
I think porn's great, like everything else, in moderation. I myself search for female ejaculators on Youporn because that shit is CRAZY, and satisfying in the same way that pulling a hair clump out of the drain or popping a zit is satisfying. It makes me feel happy for them that they got to empty their reserve squirt tank. (I'm not really clear on the anatomy of it all.)
Porn can be pretty hot sometimes, but I really hate how Captain Carl only wants to watch the lesbian kind. Hello! There are other genres, dude. Like, oh I don't know, say hairy British men with names that rhyme with Bolin Pirth who like to have sex with cute chubby blonde American girls who also wear super cool Lisa Loeb-ish glasses. Or whatever. That was just an example.
ahem.
Like anything, porn can be awful in excess. The key is moderation.
I love porn. Even bad porn because even if it's not succeeding in turning you on, it's making you laugh. And by you, I mean me. Obviously.
And I'm with Steams. Squirters fascinate me. I mean...HOW? Is it hereditary? Do they have an extra something up in there? And what about gushers? Where do they fit in?
So many questions, Erin. I'll need a full report on my desk by Monday.
I think porn can be a healthy part of a relationship. But I think it can be dangerous too. I think if a person is unhealthy to begin with, then porn is going to be an unhealthy addition to that person's life. However if two people are in a healthy, loving relationship, porn can be an added piece to their sex life.
I've yet to find porn that does it for me. I'm not closed off to the idea, I just find myself picking apart the plot lines and laughing at the dialogue and getting all uppity and feminist about the whole thing. I can't lose myself in a porn, knowwhatI'msayin?
I like this post. It is very honest indeed. I have a difficult relationship with porn. I think it's often debasing to women, except when it's not. That doesn't happen that often, but when it does I quite like it. On occasion. The way I quite like a curry sometimes. But only the stuff with a story, women with real bodies, and if it doesn't feel like anyone was exploited in the making of. There's some quite sweet eighties (?) European stuff where the women are all powerful and hairy in the right places. I like that.
See, now I've shared too. :-)
I remember when an old boyfriend and I got into some of his Dad's porn. It turned out to be chicks with dicks. AWKWARD.
Neil: I totally and completely agree. Boobs all around, anal close ups...not so great.
Cornflakegirly: Thanks! My fascination lasted one night. I'm fickle, I suppose.
Steamy: Squirters are a class onto themselves. I can gleep though. Is that what that's called?
Yo MOMMA!: Colin Firth is too cool to ever be filmed nude. He's too busy being better than everyone else, and it's a well deserved egomania.
Dr: Moderation is the key in all things. I say this but helped myself to a second heaping bowl of pasta last night!
Al Bear: That report is going to have to wait till Tuesday. Sorry, I'm a slacker.
Julesy: Spicy! Rawr.
Nova: I get all feministy too. Like when the subject of strip clubs comes up in conversation I am suddenly Margaret Mead.
Mwa: So nice to 'see' you! How's that baby? Appropriate talk on a blog post comment section about porn!
Kim: Did that really happen? Horrendous. Write about it posthaste.
I enjoyed your thoughtful post about porn, and the comments have been great, too.
And thank you for your shower advice (now there's a change of topic. :)) I guess great minds think alike, because I've already planned that numbered baby picture game! :)
And you're right--I'm glad it's not in my house. :) xoxo
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