Thursday, June 10, 2010

Adventures In Babysitting: Part One

There are some girls who are from big families that love kids and thus love to babysit. A lot of people I grew up with made and saved substantial sums of money babysitting.

I was not one of those girls. I babysat my own siblings (I'm the oldest of five children), but my mom was a very hands on stay at home mom and there were very few times where she was not at home with us. By my count (which is never trustworthy considering my memory is less than accurate) I've only babysat (outside of our home) three times..each with their own disastrous results.

********QUEUE TWINKLY FLASHBACK MUSIC************

The first time was on New Years Eve 1995 and I was watching a very precocious two year old little boy with the most incredibly styled baby mullet ever seen on this earth. The mother of this disastrously coiffed child was my babysitter as a child and was also babysat by my mother when she was a child. Why such a normal and wonderful lady would let her child's hair be mulleted in this atrocious manner was beyond me...even more beyond me? Why this normal and wonderful lady and her equally (or so it seemed) normal and wonderful husband would let Mullet Boy watch SHOWGIRLS at bedtime every night. Mullet Boy called it his 'noonie movie', obviously referring to the insane amount of tits flashed and shaken during this flick.

Ok, ok...I know some people out there are on the 'women shouldn't be ashamed of their naked bodies' train, but how about the blatant sex acts, the foul language and the violence also in the movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want my daughters to be comfortable with their naked breasts, but I also want my son to respect women...and after watching Showgirls with this little boy, I wasn't sure I would respect myself ever again. He fell asleep during the first ten minutes (thank gosh). Just long enough for me to turn red with shame and embarrassment but not long enough for me to want to die. I was 14 and Jesse Spano's gritting teeth and grunting scared me.

I also attempted to drink some of their beer. They had four different kinds in the fridge and I tried each one (imagine a not very golden Goldilocks), then my conscience got the best of me and I tried to put them all back into the fridge with the tabs folded back up to hide my illegal consumptions. Very smooth...

I may have also stayed on their pay by the hour AOL for six hours straight. Remember chat rooms?!

So they didn't ask me to babysit again. I like to think it's because I found out their dirty little Showgirls! Noonies! secret, but it may have been the dial up bill....or the beer.

7 comments:

Beta Dad said...

That's really messed up. The "Showgirls" part, I mean. The beer filching is just part of babysitting. I wonder what strip club that kid is a bouncer at now.

Jules said...

Um, Beta Dad, The Showgirls part AND the mullet part were bad. The beer part - eh.

And THESE are the kids I teach.....

Ally said...

That's so funny! I posted a blog about my babysitting experiences a while back. Ugh, my thing was eating all of their food and sneaking into their junk drawers and probably leaving dirty dishes. Ugh, I sucked.

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

that boy's girlfriend HAS to be wondering why he always says "NOONIES!!!" when they're getting frisky.

Erin said...

We're like twin Erins separated at birth, you and I. We both wrote blogs that included the move "Showgirls" at approximately 4:30 yesterday afternoon! I'm still trying to get someone to tell me how that piece of crap movie ends.

Mwa said...

Bad parents meet bad babysitter. Poor kid! Probably scarred for life.

otherworldlyone said...

Hey, if you had to watch Showgirls and stare at a mullet, it's only fair that you got to enjoy yourself a little. Right? Right.