Our household was recently assaulted by the cold/flu. You know, the one that comes in the form of the most wretched cold you've ever had and for days you're covered in snot, tears and spittle?
Under the influence of this strange microbe you may say strange things to the people calling your house. You don't know why they're calling you, so you end up telling them all about this flu you have and how you think you're going to die. They politely tell you that they hope you feel better and to stay the hell away from them for at least a week. This may have been my mom, my grandma or some random telemarketer. I'm not sure.
I was forced (by Necessity, that damned bitch) to go to the grocery store with the still very sick Elijah and the not yet sick Jeremiah yesterday afternoon. Around Aisle 3 it dawned on me that Elijah and I may be spreading this god awful plague all over the store, what with my snot covered hands and sleeves and Elijah's constant projectile sneezing. It was in the next aisle over that I realized that is happened to be 'senior discount day' at that particular grocery store. Now the guilt of sending all of those innocent elderly to their deaths is weighing heavy on my head, like the several tons of snot assaulting me from all orifices. All head related orifices, that is.
Everybody has advice when you or your kids are sick. The grocery cashier even admonished me for not taking Elijah to the Doctor yet. Was it completely necessary for me to try to explain to this lady that the doctor can't do anything for a virus? After she suggested that Elijah should obviously be on antibiotics:
Erin: "Well....you know...antibiotics are for bacterial infections. And...we obviously have a cold-like flu caused by a virus similar to the common cold...just much...worse."
Cashier: "The Doctor could tell you something you don't know. I wouldn't take the chance. You two look HORRIBLE."
I did call the doc's office just to be sure, the nurse told me that they can't give us meds for a virus (blast! I look like an ass no matter what I do!) and that this flu is going around (which I knew thanks to facebook) and that I should keep the inflicted children hydrated and the air humid.
So far Maxine Jane is the only child not struck dumb and snotty by this pestilence. She rules our home with an iron fist...if iron fists are bright pink and taste of cotton candy, that is.
And to top things off I bought new furniture the first day of this scourge, before the symptoms were foul and running amuck. Now I'm constantly jumping on the kids to wipe their faces and hands before they sit on the couch. What possessed me to get new gameroom furniture? What was wrong with the ugly blue grey falling apart ripped and sewn over a billion times sectional my dad's friend gave us three years ago after it was in his gameroom for almost 20 years? I knew if I typed that out I would feel better about my choice.
Stay away from El Casa Eremiah folks, stay far far away.
On a side note, a lot of people commented on the horribly annoying nature I exhibited in my last post. I want to assure you all that I have known the target of my annoying I.M.s for a very very long time...and he deserves every single word I type.