Going to weddings or even doing brave things like leaving the house for more than a walk around the neighborhood might be a big part of other people's daily existences, but is certainly not part of my life. My fun outings consist of walking to the post office or taking a drive with Jeremiah to get groceries.
So last weekend attending a rehearsal dinner, staying at a stranger's house, spending the day with more strangers and then attending a wedding and reception freaking blew my mind. I also came to realize that people say the strangest things to me. Maybe I look like the type of person who won't be offended, or maybe I look like a good secret keeper? Regardless of why, here are some things that were said to me last weekend.
"OH MY GOD! You're 30? I thought for sure you were no older than 28!" -drunk girl at our reception table of people the Bride and Groom didn't want anywhere near them
"You do have that extra Mom padding back there, good for you!" -older women who befriended me at the wedding, remarking about how I look too young to have four kids
"You're not married? Well honey, if he ain't asked you yet, no way he's going to." -evil 2nd cousin of the bride's 2nd cousin
"Oh yeah, but it's no big deal. Some men don't want to get married to women who have kids already." -another evil cousin
"What's your name again? You're seriously my best friend and the coolest person I've ever met." -drunk groomsman
"You don't do shots? Fucking pussy."-same drunk groomsman
Also, one other weird thing, we went to bed much, much earlier than everyone else that came back to the Bride and Groom's house with us. They were up till dawn doing God know what, but I know it included Heavy D and the Boys and the Charles and Charge TV theme. The next morning I heard the drunk groomsman mentioned above stumble into the bathroom. I happened to look at my phone for the time right after he started peeing. I was laying back down with Jeremiah when I realized that the dude was still peeing! I looked at my phone and two minutes had past. Then I was totally enraptured. Two minutes might not seem like a long time, but time how long you pee next time and compare. He continued peeing for an astounding 4 minutes and 24 seconds. He also grunted ALOT. Poor fellow.