Hurt

Recently I've had occasion to hurt someone's feelings rather badly. It was completely and totally unintentional but I still feel this slow churning burning gut sensation as I'm working and going about my daily chores/work schedule.

I remember once having a conversation with Rose, my oldest daughter, about how one of my worst fears was learning that someone I loved and adored and assumed that they felt that way about me was talking about me behind my back. That would be the worst. And it's happened to me and it still hurts. Daily. Like hurts my head and my back and my cheeks are burning just thinking about it. So painful and gut wrenching.

Of course I'm vague-blogging at this point and I know that sucks but I want to get this off of my chest. In the vaguest way possible, unfortunately.

I am very sorry that I hurt your feelings, that I made you feel badly in any way, shape or form. I'm sure you're a wonderful person and me in my ignorance did not take any care or time to consider this. I was being immature and although I intended no harm in the least I can see now how you would be hurt and how it would be hard for you to digest those feelings and move on.

In a perfect world I would be able to soothe you and assure you that I am sincere in hoping I can make it up to you. But in this world things being as they are I know that's not going to happen.

Trust me when I say that I love everyone, love people, believe in loving everyone equally and fully...so it pains me just to know I have caused pain.

As someone who has experienced incredibly piercing hurt I apologize once more before I start on my path to learning from this experience and becoming a better person because of it. Or at least hopefully becoming a better person. I fall short often...but I keep on trying.