Facebook nonsense and a Dire Warning

Warning to all Moms and Stepmoms or anyone even vaguely related to me:
I swear a lot and use some gross terms during this course of this post...please refrain from reading if you think you might be offended.

A friend of mine is always on facebook while he's at work. Although he's online he's much too busy to chat, so I just randomly text him on and off all day long.
Here are some of my very one sided conversations:

Erin

I'm a wee bit bored.

sell anything today?

i'll just pretend we're talking. It will be fun. Ready?

Joe: what's up my darling Erin Friend, the cutest and funniest girl in the history of girl?

Erin: Nothing much here Joey. Just made the little kids some lunch. Checking my email, writing a pattern.

Joe: Wow. You have such an awesome and interesting life. I'm so jealous of you and wish I could be more like you.

Erin: I know, I know. It's ok. Everyone aspires to be like me, but not everyone can reach such great heights.

Erin

douche

douche

douche

joey joey why are you so douchey????? why oh why?

Erin

You don't have a kitchen in your new house? Jeremiah just told me.

you shouldn't eat out all the time, it's bad for you.

(that's what she said).

Erin

I talked to your mom today and she told me you she caught you giving your dog head.
You were 16. Remember that? I bet you do.

Erin

fired.

I'm calling your boss and telling him to check your computer for porn.

Kitty porn.

Erin

DickBrain

AssSucker

FartHead

Joey

cumguzzler

Erin

he lives!

Ben Folds Visits But Doesn't Stop to See Me.

Saturday night Ben Folds played at Heinz Hall with the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra. You'd think I would be there , front and center.

But I was not. I (for some reason) didn't find out about it until much much too late. Tickets were around $400 a piece by the time I started searching for them. I am still a little bit teary thinking about it.

So I've been watching the videos on youtube instead. I've included some in this post.
Here's Ben instructing the crowd (which I wasn't in, in case you didn't get that part) in a three part harmony for Not The Same:


This is Ben telling a story about his children and the song 'Gracie' he wrote for his daughter:


This is one of my favorite songs. I sing it around the house all the time and even tried to get Jeremiah to play it on his classical guitar. It's all about moving away from his friends and family with some bitch. My favorite line:
'Down comes the reign of the telephone czar, it's ok to call, I will answer for myself.'



He plays in Cleveland the day before my birthday. Cleveland is not all that far away from us, but still a little bit of a trip. So we'll see.

And The Winner Is!

After careful consideration Jeremiah and I have picked the winner of Humphrey the Owl and all his owlish good looks.

I want to thank everyone for their delightful and flattering homages to me. I know announcing this contest made me sound like the world's biggest ego-maniac, but it turned out to be a lot of fun.

Especially with entries like these:

Nancy made me and Max into stuffed animals.

Vic made an animation of kickassingness.

Kim showed off her artistic talent.

Dr. Monkey wrote me a lovely haiku.

Jules paid homage to me AND Milli Vanilli in one awesome swoop.

Prosy made our love immortal with jam and toast.

And last but not least the talented MJenks wrote an original story starring my alter-ego (an obviously incredibly hot and fit Erin Oliverosetree). His follow up post was almost as golden as the original!

After careful deliberation and a lot of arguing (mostly with myself) I wittled it down to Mjenks and Vic. They both put a lot of thought and effort into their entries and I greatly appreciated both of their homages.

But, in the end, Jeremiah and I have decided that Humphrey will go to Vic!


She's planning on placing him in her front window to taunt passing children, I think this will be a very appropriate occupation for my fine stuffed friend. I have Vic's address, being that she is a customer, and will be shipping out Humphrey sometime this week.


In addition to Vic's prize everyone who entered the contest will receive free shipping from my store and orders via email for life!

Thank you again for the time everyone put into this. I was excited every day this week to see what everyone came up with!

Ready? Ok! More Contest Entries

The contest to win Humphrey the Owl is still on! See rules and details here.

Jeremiah has been kept abreast of the contest entries so far...I was able to catch up with him between snowstorms to get this excellent photos (totally unrelated to the contest):



Jules is the 'host' of Out of Tune Idol and also my personal blog idol.

Here is her entry:


I want to mention that Kara from Condi's Hair is on this montage. She's modeling a custom order cabled hat/scarf set and charcoal armwarmers she bought from me earlier this winter. If you're interested in her set or anything on my blog please contact me via email oliverosetree@yahoo.com.

Prosy obviously wants to win Humphrey pretty darn bad...she went to the far extreme and wrote something on toast for me! This girl has some insane talent. INSANE.



If I missed your contest entry, please let me know.

Entries Not Entrails...Contest Updates!

On Friday I posted a contest to win Humphrey The Owl. I have since then been told several times (three times on facebook and three times on blogs) that Humphrey's eyes resemble boobies. This is either going to make people want him less or, as I suspect, want him so much more.

'Boobie Face' Humphrey has been coveted by many and I will be posting contest entries throughout the week.

On Sunday the 14th, Valentines Day, Jeremiah and I will be judging the entries and picking a WINNER!!! If you have posted an entry and I haven't put it on the blog, please let me know in case my broad spectrum telepathy is out of wack.

First is an entry from my only blogging facebook friend (imagine that BECKYS!), Dr. Monkey Muck. He wrote me a haiku that was very sweet, albeit highly inaccurate. I forgive him because of our shared loved for bad vintage sweaters and the ads that those sweaters are featured in:

Knitter, mom, hot babe.
Erin is timeless,
like a mountain spring.

Kim, who is hilarious and probably pretty dorky in her own right (that's a compliment, Kimmy Poo) called me a whore and posted this entry:

She also didn't get the memo about my 45 pound weight loss. ;)

Vic is a freaking SUPERSTAR OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. This is her entry:

You can read the poem on her blog...Vic must be one of those overachiever people that you knew in high school that did all the gifted activities AND all of the Honor's Society shit that you (me) didn't even attempt to do because we (meaning me) assumed it was impossible.

Nancy was a former 'winner' of a contest where I sent random junk to random people. She's back to win Humphrey!

Max looks oddly cute as a bear. I am going to insist in the future that she is always wearing bear ears.


Awesome entries so far! Keep them coming. We're going to have the hardest time picking a winner, methinks. Jeremiah hasn't seen any of these so far...he's impossible to corner. And our computer is literally in the corner.

I Judge You, You Judge Me...CONTEST!!!

This contest is going to require everyone to get creative and devote some energy and intelligence. The winner (chosen by myself and Jeremiah) will win Humphrey, The Lonely Owl (Handmade and Stuffed by Me).

Here he is looking longingly into the camera, beseeching you to win him and welcome him into your home and arms:


To win Humphrey and the opportunity to be judged by me and Jeremiah you must complete one of the following tasks:

1)Write a short story about me and post it on your blog or email it to me.

2)Write a poem about me and post it on your blog or email it to me. You may also post a vlog of you reciting your ode to me.

3)Perform a song about me on a vlog and post it on your blog or email it to me.

4)Draw a picture (make it good!) of me or something I've written about on the blog. Post your picture and description of this picture or email me said picture and description.

Jeremiah and I will pick and announce the winner on Sunday February 14th!

If you have the opportunity to advertise this contest, please do so. I'm super nervous that one person (Aly from Calling People Names) is going to enter my contest.

Humphrey is a small owl pillow and made of hypoallergenic silk/acrylic mix yarn.

You can check out some of my new items in my shop at Ultra Cute Crochet!

Name Name What's In A Name?

Tony, who is a friendly and not at all rude Korean (he informs me that most are rude AND own sushi bars) asked me this question on my formspring.me page:

I like your kids' names. What are the stories behind them? Because if I ever have a kid, I want to name him/her something awesome like Jake and Gyllenhaal. Gyll for short.

'Loretta' Rose

Rose is my oldest daughter and Rose is actually her middle name. Yes, I'm one of those annoying parents who have to remind teachers, doctors and the like, 'Yes her first name is Loretta, but we prefer to use her middle name Rose and she usually only answers to that name.'
'Loretta' is after my mom because I love my momma. And not because I felt the urge to kiss her ass. Not at all, or in the least...nada, no reason to...nope.

Rose's are my favorite flower and is my favorite smell, red is my favorite color and I liked the Don Bluth cartoon A Troll in Central Park and I assumed that Rose would look just like the blonde and chubby Rosey in that movie because my last two siblings were blonde and chubby.

I was wrong. She had black hair and black eyes and was tiny and skinny.

Olivia Marie

I've told Olivia's name story in another post here.

Maxine Jane

After being overthrown by my ex in the incident we'll refer to as 'The Darling Episode', I decided I would name my third child anything I wanted to. It wasn't till after I had her and named her that I came up with the name Indiana Sue (Indy for short!!!!). But what's done is done and I really love the name Maxine Jane. I wanted something cute and almost unisex like 'Samantha', cause I love names that have cute nicknames. Jane is my favorite girls name. I used to name my dolls 'Jane' and characters in things I write and hide in computer folders named "Grocery Lists and Such" are always named 'Jane'.

Elijah Christopher

I wanted to leave Elijah's naming up to Jeremiah...since I had already named three children and he had not. We originally decided to name him 'Jeremiah Kincaid', but somewhere along the way we were decided against it. One day, in our 7th month of pregnancy, we were on our way to a state park to hike, i.e. walking along trails, and we stopped for coffee. That's when the name came to me. Elijah sounds like Jeremiah, but starts with a 'E' (like Erin, duh). Jeremiah loved it and we decided to name him 'Elijah Christopher(Jeremiah's middle name) Lyle' we dropped the Lyle right after his delivery (sorry Pappy...like he can read this in heaven. That wouldn't be very blissful, would it?) so his name wouldn't be too long.

And that's it. Other contenders for Rose's name were Estella and Elisabeth. If any of my daughters were boys I would have named them Henry, after my favorite writer (Ten Cents to the person who can name that writer!). We had a girls' name picked out for Elijah and obviously didn't end up needing it, Hollis Kathleen.